Well, it's 1:40 am, and both my babies are sleeping... I have been up most of the night for the past few nights with Via, and now she's back to normal, but I am not. That's the life, right? I have my textbook open next to me (to get a head start on one of my classes next semester) and I had every intention of doing some homework until I thought, "maybe I will blog first!"
In all honesty, I don't really know what I want to write about, so this may just be a bit of rambling :) Today was all sorts of up and down. I got up early (for me... like 8 am haha) since Levi had to work. He is more of a morning person and will usually get up with the kids around then on his days off since I have been getting up with V during the night. Anyway, I was up, feeling good, fed the babies, started laundry, did the dishes, folded laundry, put the kids down for a nap, fed them again when they woke up, picked up the house... it was probably the most productive day of housework in the last 5 weeks combined! It felt great to get so much done, so that was good, but I got so tired and cranky later on :( Levi came home, and I knew he was tired, but he kept telling me how tired he was throughout the day, and it just kind of made me feel like my being tired (despite my 45 min nap) wasn't justified. I dunno. We were both just so tired and cranky that the evening just kids of turned into more of an argument and hurt feelings on both sides that the day just didn't seem as great as it had earlier.
But that's how it goes, right? Life with a toddler and a newborn? I am very aware that Levi helps out a TON and I really couldn't do this without him! I have no idea how single parents do this... and I have easy kids! Maybe that's part of it, too; I feel like I really can't complain sometimes because I don't have it as bad as others. My kids are great, really. Lucas can get cranky, but he goes down for a nap and it wonderful after that usually. Via just sleeps, eats, pees, looks around... she is hardly ever super fussy. Lucas wasn't either. I was telling my cousin, Aubrey, the other day that I'm pretty sure we are done having kids because either 1) Via will be another amazingly easy baby and I just can't jinx us by having another one, or 2) she will be much harder than Lucas was and will not make me want to have any more anyway! Remind me to come back to the "more kids" topic...
Anyway, I just keep thinking these days that I am really not allowed to complain. Which I do. A lot. I hear of people with babies that have to be held all the time or are sick, or I think of those who can't even have children or have a hard time getting pregnant (which we obviously didn't have an issue with!) I have one friend that lost their baby at 38 weeks. 38 weeks! I can't even imagine... I never even made it to 38 and both my kids are perfectly healthy! It just breaks my heart, and this friend is so amazing and seems to be coping with things a whole lot better than I would. I actually found out about their loss on the day I found out how serious Via's growth issue was, so naturally I started freaking out! This ended up being 4 days before I had her, but I cannot tell you how *relieved* I was when I went into labor and ended up having her early, actually. I say *relieved* because I was still afraid of there being complications with prematurity, but I figured we handled 32 weeks with Lucas, we could definitely do 35! And we did. Her stay was much easier, and I just couldn't believe how blessed we were to have two healthy preemie babies! Everything worked out perfectly, and apparently ended up being my "quit complaining" lesson... which I'm still working on ;)
So, back to the "more kids" in the future issue: this has been so weird for me. I always knew I wasn't an extremely patient person, but I guess I thought it might change once I had my own children. It may have a little, but not much. I hate losing my cool with Lucas, but I do... and then I feel worse because I know that he really is easy compared to other kids (refer to previous topic lol!) He woke up crying tonight. It seems like he had a bad dream and was really scared. I went in, tried to soothe him, Levi got him some milk, held him for a while, but wouldn't go back to bed yet. We had just finished bathing Via right before he woke up, and I started feeding V after Levi took over with Lucas. Again, I have no idea how single parents do this!! Well, Lucas was settling down, and we all just went into the front room and sat on the couch with the Christmas lights on. Levi held Lucas and I sat next to them feeding Via :) It was just so perfect and it's moments like that where our family feels complete. I didn't ever feel like that when we just had Lucas. Right after he was born I knew someone was missing, and I was ready for another baby a few weeks later! Well, it was only 8 months later, and we were pregnant again! Now that we have our son and daughter, things feel very complete. At least for now. I have no idea what will happen in the future, but I have no desire for more children right at this moment. And I'm sure most of it is taking care of two now that are 15 months apart! But it's just so weird since I had always imagined having at least more than two... I actually would sometimes look at couples with two and think "can't you handle more than that??" Well, I'm not sure if I can handle more than that now! So funny how life works... it's just so Mormon culture to have a big family, I figured that's how I would turn out. Anyway, enough of that! Whatever happens in the future with more kids or no more kids will work out how it is supposed to!
On another note, Via weighed 6 lbs 1 oz the other day! And she has been eating almost every 2 - 2 1/2 hours today, so I'm sure she's in for another growth spurt! She actually has some chunk on her legs! Not normal baby chunk of course, but still some! Lucas is thickening up as well. I cannot believe how fast these kids grow sometimes! He is build like my Grandpa Holman, which is where we got Lucas's middle name :) His legs are really muscular and thick right now and he has a little tummy on him! It may just be the age, but I like that it reminds me of my Grandpa.
I cannot believe it is almost Christmas! Time goes by way too fast these days... no one ever told me life speeds up once you get married and have kids! I'm starting to dread going back to school. I have no idea how I'm going to do it, but I have to keep reminding myself that it really will be over before I know it (especially with how busy I will be, I'm sure!) Two more semesters, two more semesters... I have my moments of "yeah, I can do this!" and "crap! I really can't do this!" Hence my wanting to get ahead on some homework ;) This class is the second part of my Medical Assisting class/lab, and my teacher gave me the workbook chapters that we will be doing. I found out during the first half that they are sooooo time consuming! We would have like 2 or 3 due each week, and it was killer sometimes! So, I figure if I can get a head start on some of these it will help a lot! I think I have about 4 out of 16 done so far. Bleh.
Well, there's Via waking up! Maybe I can get to sleep after she eats since it is now 2:30 am... goodnight!
