It's really a great feeling when your plans finally do work out the way you hoped they would ;)
Surgery went great! It was successful, and I recovered quickly. Also, I love general anesthesia. That was the best nap I've had in 3 years!! I didn't wake up super groggy and sick from hours of surgery like I did with my valve replacement. I was way comfortable and felt so stinkin' refreshed! I slept most of that day off and on, and I definitely remember the car ride home as I was zoning in and out. I may or may not have almost hit my head on the dashboard a few times. I don't know. But the next day I was back to work and feeling great!
I loved that our plan that had been in the works for almost a year finally went through and everything went wonderfully! Let's hope our next plan to have another little this year will fall into place. If not, that's okay. As long as I get pregnant at least sometime in the future because we just spent a butt load on surgery ;)
As for the plan to be Coke-free: it's going well, actually. I'm not craving it nearly as bad as I thought I would... yet. I have started craving chocolate like a maniac, though. Substitution? Probably. At least it's less caffeine, right??
Also, this month I have been re-accepted to BYUI in hopes of getting into their nursing program (online classes for this year to prep for applying). I also was assigned the Spring/Fall track that I was hoping for. I don't do well in the snow and cold, and going during the winter last time seriously made it hard to even go to classes, let alone warm up and pay attention :)
All in all it's been a really great month! Things can keep up like this all year; that would be just fine with me!! Welcome, 2014!
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Friday, January 10, 2014
And Another New Year
These years are just flying by! I swear they didn't go this fast when I was younger. And we're already ten days in...
So, let's talk resolutions and plans. Shout out to my girl, Kayla Lemmon, who wrote an awesome post on resolutions and making small daily goals and doing something today instead of huge yearly ones. You can read her post here :) Although my attempt last year broke the larger goals down into smaller, daily or weekly ones, it was still too much to handle. Too much to take on at once, and once again failing the idea of New Year Resolutions.
However, a new year does bring with it a feeling of a fresh start, a chance for changes and new plans. Sometimes we are forced to make new plans, but whatever ;) It's a nice feeling that comes with the new year, and I think we should take that for all it's worth. If you can make several resolutions and stick to them, go for it! If you're like me and can only handle one per year, stick to it and relish in the progress! So I've made one single goal for the year - no Coke. Less to focus on since my focus is already pulled in several different directions on a daily basis!
As for planning and making new plans... Well, let's just say I was recently reminded of why I went through a "no planning" phase. They never seems to work out the way you want them to.
Case Study 1: For almost a year we have been planning on doing a surgery that should help keep babies baking a little longer in my oven. I had it scheduled for January 9th (yesterday) for about a month. I was getting super excited!! And then I got sick :( Lucas got pneumonia this week, and I mush have caught it or part of it or something. The day before the planned surgery I just went downhill from cough to chills to body aches to congestion to more coughing to crap. While I'm glad that we called off the surgery for this week because I feel like poo, I was super discouraged to have to push it back. I had a bit of a meltdown. At work. Because I'm a loser. But I cried it out and got back to work. I figured it all out (Levi taking work off, someone to cover me at work, etc.) to do it next week, and that's what we're shooting for.
Case Study 2: I'd been thinking for a while about going back to school and *retaking a class online in preparation to apply to the nursing program at BYU-I. I finally got around to (calling and reseting my password because apparently it went wacko when I graduated) reapplying and researching nursing program requirements and found that I really need 3 classes before I have a good chance of getting in :/ This pushes my plan back a semester. Gah. Oh, well. At least it's the first step to my overall plan for nursing and eventually some kind of provider. I haven't decided yet. Probably because there's something else Heavenly Father has in mind to change mine.
These were the biggest things of recent. I think they hit me so hard because I had finally felt like we were stabilizing, like things were falling into place and we had at least some semi-solid (Jello) plans for the future. No more wondering where we were going to be the next month, and although we still have that, I guess I just expected all of our other plans to work out the way we wanted them to. But as I was interviewing with the Stake Presidency counselor (for ecclesiastical endorsement in order to apply to church schools) I mentioned something about plans changing and that's why I was **reapplying. He reminded me that it's not our plans that really matter, it's God's plans for us. His plans for us will always work out as long as we are living the way we should. That's it. Plain and simple. Donezo. So what does that say if my plans are always falling through? I'm sure you've heard the adage "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." Yeah, that's me.
Really, though, we may think we know what's best for us, but we don't always. Our Heavenly Father is omniscient; He knows what is best for us and will guide us in numerous ways to help us succeed in all things as long as we are willing to let Him. I'm a big believer in all things happening for a reason... Maybe there was some hidden reason why I pushing my school plans back a semester or why I wasn't supposed to have surgery yesterday. I dunno. But I do know that I trust my Father in Heaven to bring me to what is best for me.
Well, we will go on planning because I learned a long time ago that you can't really go through life without one, but hopefully I will get better at aligning my plans with God's so I don't lose my mind every time mine fail ;)
So, as long as our plans don't change (which I'm sure they will), in 2014 we are looking forward to....
Welcoming a new full-term baby to the family
Celebrating 5 years of marriage (that had better not change!)
Moving to Idaho Falls so Levi doesn't have to commute anymore
A trip to Texas
Acing my classes
*I have to retake the first part of Anat & Phys since apparently I sucked at going to school while pregnant!
**I applied for graduation with my Associate's in anticipation of us moving somewhere far away wherever Levi got a job. I didn't want to hold him back while I finished school. I never guessed that he would end up with a job in Idaho Falls!
So, let's talk resolutions and plans. Shout out to my girl, Kayla Lemmon, who wrote an awesome post on resolutions and making small daily goals and doing something today instead of huge yearly ones. You can read her post here :) Although my attempt last year broke the larger goals down into smaller, daily or weekly ones, it was still too much to handle. Too much to take on at once, and once again failing the idea of New Year Resolutions.
However, a new year does bring with it a feeling of a fresh start, a chance for changes and new plans. Sometimes we are forced to make new plans, but whatever ;) It's a nice feeling that comes with the new year, and I think we should take that for all it's worth. If you can make several resolutions and stick to them, go for it! If you're like me and can only handle one per year, stick to it and relish in the progress! So I've made one single goal for the year - no Coke. Less to focus on since my focus is already pulled in several different directions on a daily basis!
As for planning and making new plans... Well, let's just say I was recently reminded of why I went through a "no planning" phase. They never seems to work out the way you want them to.
Case Study 1: For almost a year we have been planning on doing a surgery that should help keep babies baking a little longer in my oven. I had it scheduled for January 9th (yesterday) for about a month. I was getting super excited!! And then I got sick :( Lucas got pneumonia this week, and I mush have caught it or part of it or something. The day before the planned surgery I just went downhill from cough to chills to body aches to congestion to more coughing to crap. While I'm glad that we called off the surgery for this week because I feel like poo, I was super discouraged to have to push it back. I had a bit of a meltdown. At work. Because I'm a loser. But I cried it out and got back to work. I figured it all out (Levi taking work off, someone to cover me at work, etc.) to do it next week, and that's what we're shooting for.
Case Study 2: I'd been thinking for a while about going back to school and *retaking a class online in preparation to apply to the nursing program at BYU-I. I finally got around to (calling and reseting my password because apparently it went wacko when I graduated) reapplying and researching nursing program requirements and found that I really need 3 classes before I have a good chance of getting in :/ This pushes my plan back a semester. Gah. Oh, well. At least it's the first step to my overall plan for nursing and eventually some kind of provider. I haven't decided yet. Probably because there's something else Heavenly Father has in mind to change mine.
These were the biggest things of recent. I think they hit me so hard because I had finally felt like we were stabilizing, like things were falling into place and we had at least some semi-solid (Jello) plans for the future. No more wondering where we were going to be the next month, and although we still have that, I guess I just expected all of our other plans to work out the way we wanted them to. But as I was interviewing with the Stake Presidency counselor (for ecclesiastical endorsement in order to apply to church schools) I mentioned something about plans changing and that's why I was **reapplying. He reminded me that it's not our plans that really matter, it's God's plans for us. His plans for us will always work out as long as we are living the way we should. That's it. Plain and simple. Donezo. So what does that say if my plans are always falling through? I'm sure you've heard the adage "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." Yeah, that's me.
Really, though, we may think we know what's best for us, but we don't always. Our Heavenly Father is omniscient; He knows what is best for us and will guide us in numerous ways to help us succeed in all things as long as we are willing to let Him. I'm a big believer in all things happening for a reason... Maybe there was some hidden reason why I pushing my school plans back a semester or why I wasn't supposed to have surgery yesterday. I dunno. But I do know that I trust my Father in Heaven to bring me to what is best for me.
Well, we will go on planning because I learned a long time ago that you can't really go through life without one, but hopefully I will get better at aligning my plans with God's so I don't lose my mind every time mine fail ;)
So, as long as our plans don't change (which I'm sure they will), in 2014 we are looking forward to....
Welcoming a new full-term baby to the family
Celebrating 5 years of marriage (that had better not change!)
Moving to Idaho Falls so Levi doesn't have to commute anymore
A trip to Texas
Acing my classes
*I have to retake the first part of Anat & Phys since apparently I sucked at going to school while pregnant!
**I applied for graduation with my Associate's in anticipation of us moving somewhere far away wherever Levi got a job. I didn't want to hold him back while I finished school. I never guessed that he would end up with a job in Idaho Falls!
Saturday, December 21, 2013
What A Year!!
What a year it has been!! It has definitely turned out a lot different than it started! Loving this *new* little life of ours... Here is our Top 13 - not necessarily in order except for #1 - of 2013 :) Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!
13. We no longer have to pay for Internet
12. Lucas is potty trained!! (Still working on the V-ster)
11. Both kids now speak in full, understandable sentences
10. We have stayed in the same place, an actual house, for over a year!
9. I have learned a LOT at my job and finally feel competent ;)
8. With the help of a friend, I have found a love
for thrift store clothes shopping and updated my style ;)
7. I got a carpet cleaner for my birthday which has been well-used
6. We celebrated 4 years of marriage...
5. ... and then took a fantastic class on marriage in church
4. Levi was offered a part-time job with ISU
3. Planned and scheduled (for Jan 9) surgery to
hopefully keep the next baby (planned for 2014) baking full-term ;)
2. We have way too many channels (of which we only watch about 3) for free because...
1. Levi started working for CableOne Advertising!! He makes commercials for clients and works *normal* office hours :D
Sunday, December 1, 2013
...And the Busy Keeps On
Why, yes, I have been a slacker :/ Lots of changes and things going on lately. I'll start with the biggest one... Levi scored a job with CableOne Advertising as a Producer!!! He makes commercials for clients and makes sure shows and ads are airing properly. He started at the end of August and is loving it! And I love having him home evenings and weekends. The benefits aren't too shabby, either :)
We've been adjusting to a whole new routine lately and then throwing in parties, a baby shower, Super Saturday, and holidays. Craziness. Via turned 2 a few weeks ago as well, so there was a party planned for that, of course. Not a huge one, just family and a friend of mine. It turned out cute :)
This weekend was Thanksgiving. Levi and I both had work off from Thursday on (love grow-up jobs ;) We went up to my grandma's for Thanksgiving dinner, which was yummy as always. My Uncle Blake made the turkey which was the best turkey I've every had. Instead of brining it, he said he just rubbed salt underneath the skin about 24 hr before cooking it. Easy and delicious! I will be trying that for Christmas Eve dinner.
We've been adjusting to a whole new routine lately and then throwing in parties, a baby shower, Super Saturday, and holidays. Craziness. Via turned 2 a few weeks ago as well, so there was a party planned for that, of course. Not a huge one, just family and a friend of mine. It turned out cute :)
I didn't take many pictures, but here are the cupcakes - Sorry for the blurriness; the camera on my phone is foggy
Before the birthday, though, there was Halloween. My grandma found this awesome pilot jacket at a thrift store in San Antonio when she was visiting, and I immediately knew their Halloween costumes for this year when she showed it to me. Hello, Pilot Lucas and Stewardess Via!
In the last few weeks, Lucas learned to put larger puzzles together. He loves his Jake and the Neverland Pirate puzzle (24pc)!
I jumped right in the day after Thanksgiving and decorated for Christmas!! I had the urge to decorate the tree different than my traditional red and gold... and Levi was fine with me putting pink and purple on it! Lovin' it!!
The kids and I decorated pinecones on Saturday. I spray painted them purple, pink, and blue, and then the kids sprinkled glitter on them :)
About a month ago I helped pull off a great Super Saturday for our Relief Society. I wish I would have taken pictures because it turned out really cute! The speakers were wonderful, and the food was delicious, too!!
There was also the baby shower for my sister in law that I helped my mother in law put together. It turned out super awesome as well! I made a blanket for the gift that really turned out great, but I was up until 3am the morning of the shower finishing it :/ It took the longest time, though. Once I get up the courage again, I will make one or two for my kids.
And there was Christmas shopping!! Done. Wrapped, even. I'm super glad I got it all done, because we have plans every weekend up until Christmas. More parties (very glad I don't have to plan them, though!), concerts, and a princess tea party with my little princess! (Her birthday gift from Grandma Dawn.)
Here's to hoping for a wonderful, slightly less crazy, last month of 2013. Wow. Time sure in flying...
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Busy, Busy, Busy
Wow! Where did the last few months go?!? Are we really this far into August?? I have a 3 year old now?? I'm not sure how this all happened...
Lucas turned three this month, and we had a splish splash birthday bash with his cousin, Ben, who turned 5 this month! These kids are growing up way too fast. It was supposed to be this big double birthday thing, but every kid I invited was either at a family reunion or their grandparents. But by the time we finally came to the day of the birthday party I was so relieved that it ended up being just our family. Whew! I have been exhausted! I feel like we've been running and going 100 miles an hour. Actually, Levi almost was last weekend...
He completed his second, but twice as long, triathlon last Saturday! 1 mile swim, 24 mile bike ride and a 10k. Holy cow!! He was going, going, going for over three hours! I haven't even ran a full 5k since I last posted about it.... in June, I think :/
Yup. That's my man :) He's just awesome this week... more details to come later!
Mama, on the other hand, not so awesome the last few weeks. Things are finally getting better, but it's been a rough, stressful month. Planning parties/relief society night (which I was excited to do and turned out great, it just fell at a bad time), Levi working late a lot of nights and Sundays, the house being crazy messy because I don't feel like cleaning it but I still have two toddlers... Anyway, crazy and busy and stressful seemingly 100% of the time. That's how August has been. So I hired a housekeeper. And I love her :) Sooooo worth it! It has made a world of difference. The house stays pretty clean, but even when it's messy it's not *dirty* and it's not messy *all* the time. On Mondays and Thursdays I come home to a fantastically clean house! I can definitely deal with that!
There have also been other personal changes and things going on that are already making September appear much better than this month has been ;) I guess we will just have to see!
Lucas turned three this month, and we had a splish splash birthday bash with his cousin, Ben, who turned 5 this month! These kids are growing up way too fast. It was supposed to be this big double birthday thing, but every kid I invited was either at a family reunion or their grandparents. But by the time we finally came to the day of the birthday party I was so relieved that it ended up being just our family. Whew! I have been exhausted! I feel like we've been running and going 100 miles an hour. Actually, Levi almost was last weekend...
He completed his second, but twice as long, triathlon last Saturday! 1 mile swim, 24 mile bike ride and a 10k. Holy cow!! He was going, going, going for over three hours! I haven't even ran a full 5k since I last posted about it.... in June, I think :/
After the race
Just crossed the finish line
Yup. That's my man :) He's just awesome this week... more details to come later!
Mama, on the other hand, not so awesome the last few weeks. Things are finally getting better, but it's been a rough, stressful month. Planning parties/relief society night (which I was excited to do and turned out great, it just fell at a bad time), Levi working late a lot of nights and Sundays, the house being crazy messy because I don't feel like cleaning it but I still have two toddlers... Anyway, crazy and busy and stressful seemingly 100% of the time. That's how August has been. So I hired a housekeeper. And I love her :) Sooooo worth it! It has made a world of difference. The house stays pretty clean, but even when it's messy it's not *dirty* and it's not messy *all* the time. On Mondays and Thursdays I come home to a fantastically clean house! I can definitely deal with that!
There have also been other personal changes and things going on that are already making September appear much better than this month has been ;) I guess we will just have to see!
Saturday, July 20, 2013
What A Nice Change
This weekend has been so very different from the past three :) It has been a nice change. Not that the kids changed at all. They are kids. And they're still cranky pants lately. But I've been about 50% calmer. With work. A few spankings here and there, but not nearly as many outbursts as I had a few weeks ago. Not so many mommy-time-outs as I had thought... but more of me just trying not to care about the little stuff, about the house being clean all the time (obviously... Via got Oreo stuck in her hair tonight...) Wonderful, right?
I just really have to remember... all the time... that they act like kids because they are kids. I'm the adult. I read that somewhere last night, and it was awesome. Eye opener, ya know? I also read - maybe in the same article - that as mothers we should know better than to judge one another. We should be strengthening and lifting each other instead of trying to compare. Because we all know how hard it is. And non-parents, judge all you want until you have children of your own. I don't care. I was also the perfect parent before I had kids ;) Just wait. *I add in "of your own" there because believe it or not, babysitting is ENTIRELY different than having your own midgets 24/7. Seriously. I'm the oldest of 6 and got my fair share of babysitting in... just trust me.
My house is a disaster, but at least the dishes are done. Lucas stayed up until almost midnight the other night, but he slept in the cart during our entire trip to Costco. (Natural consequences, right? He really wanted to go to Costco later ;) I made freezer pasta for dinner tonight, and it ended up on the couch because I didn't feel like rounding kids up to a table I hadn't cleared off yet, but they are fed.
Pick your battles and let perfection go. It's not gonna happen. Do the best you can, and when you can't, don't hold it against yourself. Try again tomorrow. That's all for now ;)
Monday, July 8, 2013
No More
It was a weird day. It was Sunday, which means Sundays are always hard, but it was hard and weird. Lots of thoughts swirling around this head of mine at 2 am... Let's begin.
I yell. And spank. A lot. Too much. It has taken me until now to realize that it's not helping, and it's not working. I grew up with yelling and hitting and violence, as I may have mentioned in some past post, and it's no excuse at all for how I choose to act now... I'm just saying that's how I grew up expressing feelings. And it's hard to change. But it's time for a change.
I'm afraid that if I don't change I will never be able to be a stay at home mom. Hard job. I may lose my mind. Most of the time when I'm home with the kids on the weekends, I feel like I am just not cut out to be a SAHM. Bring on the mama guilt. It should be easy. It should be natural, right? It's not, at least for me. What's "natural" for me lately is screaming every time they make a mess. Which is A LOT. When Lucas hits Via, I spank him. When he's just being too loud, I become louder. You think I would have figured this out a while ago, with common sense and all, that it is just not working. He screams, I scream, he screams louder. Duh, Shaeli. Could we have not taken a step back and analyzed the situation before now?? Really though it's just gotten bad in the last few weeks. I'm sure the super hard work week, the pneumonia, the fractured rib and every other life stressor helped a ton with my mama actions ;) So, that crap week is over, my rib feels better, I'm not coughing all day long now... and we begin again.
No more yelling. No more spanking. The rest of July will be my "try"al month in which I give myself "tires" and remember this resolve before lashing out. August will officially be "stop" month. I have no idea what I'm going to do instead, so stay tuned as I figure it out ;)
What led to all this on this hard and weird day? I had to leave church. Levi was able to come today which was good because I had to physically leave church and go home to calm down. We weren't even 20 min in. Keep in mind our church starts at 1pm, and I'm usually stressed before we even walk out the door. That held true today. I was tired, hadn't eaten much, the last few days were hard as well... and these kids just didn't want to sit still. I tried giving him the iPad with headphones early - usually he does a good job of waiting until after they've passed the Sacrament - but he wanted to run around with his head still attached to it. I lost it. Right in the middle of a baby blessing :( Well done, self. I took Lucas out and we both ended up on the floor crying. So Levi sent me home. Good man, that Levi. He knows when his wife needs a time-out ;) And I did. I took a time-out, ate some lunch, researched how to be a calmer mother, and went back to church.
So, the first line of defense will most likely be a mama time-out. It seemed to work pretty well today! Just to breathe or count or lock myself in my room (just figured out today that our bedroom door has a lock. Who knew?) The kids are just being kids 80% of the time so there is no real misbehavior to punish. Lately Lucas and Via have been awesome at picking on each other, and that 20% does need to be disciplined somehow, I'm just not sure how yet. Suggestions would be much appreciated!
I haven't really figured any other tactics out beside the mama time-out, so we'll see what works and what doesn't I guess. I've been reading a bunch of articles on parenting, not yelling, why spanking is bad (which I don't believe it is if you can do it right... I just can't do it right right now... if that makes sense.) But I haven't come across any foolproof ways to discipline. Probably because kids aren't fools ;) Those little midgets are smart! And of course what works for one kid won't work as well for another. So we'll get creative! Again, techniques that will work on a 3 year old would be very helpful! We may have to just wait it out with Via. I have no idea what to do with that chick. Lucas was not like this when he was that age :/ She provokes him, and I guess he didn't really have anyone to provoke at the time.
Now for the weird part of the day/weekend: I still want more kids. I still wanted more the whole time I was frustrated with the ones I have. Yeah, I wanted to ship them off somewhere for a while and crawl in my bed and die this morning, but I still wanted more. That feels so selfish to me, so then I'd go beating myself up again for wanting more when I can't even figure out the ones I've got. I have no idea how to analyze this thought... It's just weird to me. Just. weird. It's like I know in the very back of my mind that even though it is hard now, it will pass. This part will get easier, and I would still like 4 kids in the long run. I guess we will see how these next few months go and then maybe reevaluate...
Anyway, there's my confession for the day: I spent half of it mad and thinking I'm a horrible mother and the other half snuggling with Lucas during a movie and pushing Via in the swing at Grandma Dawn's. It was a toss up. But even the toss-up days mixed with yelling and spanking are not great like they should be. These kids deserve great days. They won't all be great, but most of them should be. So it's time for a change to become great.
I yell. And spank. A lot. Too much. It has taken me until now to realize that it's not helping, and it's not working. I grew up with yelling and hitting and violence, as I may have mentioned in some past post, and it's no excuse at all for how I choose to act now... I'm just saying that's how I grew up expressing feelings. And it's hard to change. But it's time for a change.
I'm afraid that if I don't change I will never be able to be a stay at home mom. Hard job. I may lose my mind. Most of the time when I'm home with the kids on the weekends, I feel like I am just not cut out to be a SAHM. Bring on the mama guilt. It should be easy. It should be natural, right? It's not, at least for me. What's "natural" for me lately is screaming every time they make a mess. Which is A LOT. When Lucas hits Via, I spank him. When he's just being too loud, I become louder. You think I would have figured this out a while ago, with common sense and all, that it is just not working. He screams, I scream, he screams louder. Duh, Shaeli. Could we have not taken a step back and analyzed the situation before now?? Really though it's just gotten bad in the last few weeks. I'm sure the super hard work week, the pneumonia, the fractured rib and every other life stressor helped a ton with my mama actions ;) So, that crap week is over, my rib feels better, I'm not coughing all day long now... and we begin again.
No more yelling. No more spanking. The rest of July will be my "try"al month in which I give myself "tires" and remember this resolve before lashing out. August will officially be "stop" month. I have no idea what I'm going to do instead, so stay tuned as I figure it out ;)
What led to all this on this hard and weird day? I had to leave church. Levi was able to come today which was good because I had to physically leave church and go home to calm down. We weren't even 20 min in. Keep in mind our church starts at 1pm, and I'm usually stressed before we even walk out the door. That held true today. I was tired, hadn't eaten much, the last few days were hard as well... and these kids just didn't want to sit still. I tried giving him the iPad with headphones early - usually he does a good job of waiting until after they've passed the Sacrament - but he wanted to run around with his head still attached to it. I lost it. Right in the middle of a baby blessing :( Well done, self. I took Lucas out and we both ended up on the floor crying. So Levi sent me home. Good man, that Levi. He knows when his wife needs a time-out ;) And I did. I took a time-out, ate some lunch, researched how to be a calmer mother, and went back to church.
So, the first line of defense will most likely be a mama time-out. It seemed to work pretty well today! Just to breathe or count or lock myself in my room (just figured out today that our bedroom door has a lock. Who knew?) The kids are just being kids 80% of the time so there is no real misbehavior to punish. Lately Lucas and Via have been awesome at picking on each other, and that 20% does need to be disciplined somehow, I'm just not sure how yet. Suggestions would be much appreciated!
I haven't really figured any other tactics out beside the mama time-out, so we'll see what works and what doesn't I guess. I've been reading a bunch of articles on parenting, not yelling, why spanking is bad (which I don't believe it is if you can do it right... I just can't do it right right now... if that makes sense.) But I haven't come across any foolproof ways to discipline. Probably because kids aren't fools ;) Those little midgets are smart! And of course what works for one kid won't work as well for another. So we'll get creative! Again, techniques that will work on a 3 year old would be very helpful! We may have to just wait it out with Via. I have no idea what to do with that chick. Lucas was not like this when he was that age :/ She provokes him, and I guess he didn't really have anyone to provoke at the time.
Now for the weird part of the day/weekend: I still want more kids. I still wanted more the whole time I was frustrated with the ones I have. Yeah, I wanted to ship them off somewhere for a while and crawl in my bed and die this morning, but I still wanted more. That feels so selfish to me, so then I'd go beating myself up again for wanting more when I can't even figure out the ones I've got. I have no idea how to analyze this thought... It's just weird to me. Just. weird. It's like I know in the very back of my mind that even though it is hard now, it will pass. This part will get easier, and I would still like 4 kids in the long run. I guess we will see how these next few months go and then maybe reevaluate...
Anyway, there's my confession for the day: I spent half of it mad and thinking I'm a horrible mother and the other half snuggling with Lucas during a movie and pushing Via in the swing at Grandma Dawn's. It was a toss up. But even the toss-up days mixed with yelling and spanking are not great like they should be. These kids deserve great days. They won't all be great, but most of them should be. So it's time for a change to become great.
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