Zelli Linette

I was just reading through my post 3 years ago about the births of Lucas and Via here. It's amazing how much things can change! At the end of that post I didn't think I would be having any more children. At the time, I was convinced by my doctor that I was too high-risk to have any more. Like, I would die if I ever got pregnant again. Well, right this minute I'm sitting here getting texts with pictures like this while Dad is at the hospital feeding our third preemie :)

Regarding the high-risk status and change of course from being "done" at two babies to having more, see here. For a quick update: I got a second opinion from another doctor, I had surgery to remove a septum in my uterus that caused my first two to be transverse breech, I got pregnant again and really, really sought after a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarian - in my case two cesarians). 

We had hoped that the surgery last year would have allowed me to carry full term, but we still ended up with a preemie, and that's okay with me :) We just like to grow them small, I guess. 

*Just a little side note - Dr. Cox did my surgery and followed me through most of this pregnancy, but the hospital in Pocatello would not allow me to attempt a VBAC with my two previous c-sections. I was very sad to transfer, but we had moved to Idaho Falls and I had quit my job at the women's clinic in Pocatello a few months prior, so there wasn't really a reason for me to stay there as a patient any more if there was no hope of the birth that I wanted. A big thank you to Dr. Cox for doing everything he could to help me achieve my dreams! And another big thank you to the midwives I worked with for encouraging and educating me about birth and options ;) I miss you all!! One last big thank you to Dr. Leavitt for taking me on and for allowing me the birth I literally dreamed of! 

Okay, back to the smallness of my babies... Z - like Via - was diagnosed with IUGR (growth restriction), and we had planned to deliver her just a few days after she was actually born if she was still measuring small. However, since I had previous c-sections I could not be medically induced since it increases the risk of uterine rupture, so we would have gone straight to another c-section if I hadn't gone into labor on my own. But I did go into labor, and I got my VBAC since she was able to get head-down with the removal of the septum :) Here is her birth story: 

Zelli Linette Christiansen

Friday, January 9, 2015 10:46 am

4 lbs, 2 oz and 17 3/4 in long

35 weeks and 5 days gestation

I was feeling pretty great on Thursday. I had my appointment with my doctor that afternoon, and I had correctly predicted what he was going to tell me there, which made me feel awesome! I had an ultrasound scheduled for the following Monday to measure growth and if she was still below the 10th percentile we would deliver. I guess I learned something at my job in the last two years ;) Via was born at barely 35 weeks (Lucas 32), so I figured I couldn't ask for much more since we had already passed the point of both previous births. And I know that even a few more days in utero decreases the length of the NICU stay, so I was feeling good! I went to our Relief Society (church) meeting that night and had some good food and good times with the ladies in our ward. I did start telling them that we would most likely be having baby on Monday or Tuesday, so I know a few of them were surprised when they saw pictures of baby on Facebook the next morning! 

I started having mild contractions at about 11:30 Thursday night. They were about 10 min apart and, again, super mild since I was able to sleep through them until about 5 am. I woke up to slightly more intense contractions about 7 min apart. The consistency tipped me off, though, and I figured I had better tidy up the house before going to the hospital ;) Then something that I had never experienced with my other two happened: my water broke. It was about 6:30 by then and I figured, "Okay, we should probably head in." So Levi and I got the kids into some pajamas because they were naked, of course, and took them with us while my amazing grandma came down from St. Anthony (45 min drive) to come watch them during the labor. She picked them up from the hospital before I went into active labor :) 

We got the initial admission stuff done, started an IV, I was contracting about every 4 minutes at that point and they were definitely uncomfortable - they became closer and more intense quickly after my water broke, but things were going smoothly and I was still laughing ;) The nurse checked me, and I was dilated to a 4. We settled in and she left me to labor on. 

Things progressed like a textbook labor. They became closer together and more intense. About an hour after this first check I remember thinking, "Oh, boy, maybe I do want an epidural!" But I finally got out of the bed, tried walking around, swaying, rocking, and bouncing/sitting on a birthing ball. It was starting to get intense. I made my way to the bathroom with my IV pole at one point so I could throw up and figured I would have the nurse, DeeAnn - who was amazing! - check me again... 5. Well, progress at least! I did a little more bouncing and swaying before deciding to just get back in the bed and lay down. About 15 minutes (?) after she had checked me things kind of kicked into high gear. Contractions started coming about every minute or so but not lasting as long anymore. I was really surprised that I found it most comfortable to just lay in bed on my left side with a pillow between my knees. I wasn't very good at not tensing up, so I just breathed through each contraction with one hand over my eyes and my other hand gripping the edge of the bed. I remember Levi talking sometimes, but I couldn't answer him or respond, so he got quiet as well. I had probably 4 or 5 contractions where I started feeling "pushy;" the only way I was getting through them was to bear down a bit. Once I actually realized what I was doing - the body is amazing! I didn't even know what I was doing - I had Levi get DeeAnn. She checked me, and I was complete. I remember thinking, "I'm sure glad that was the transition phase because I was starting to want a c-section!" The contractions actually calmed down slightly after I was complete, and I breathed through a handful more while things were being set up and while we were waiting for Dr. Leavitt. 

I changed positions, things were set up, Dr. Leavitt suited up and had Levi suit up as well to catch the baby. I pushed with 5ish contractions, maybe a few more, and I'm pretty sure I lost focus once I saw her head - I was just in awe! I got back on track and once her head was delivered Levi not so much "caught" as "pulled" the rest of her out. I don't remember this much, but Levi says that Leavitt just kept telling him "pull a bit harder" and Levi was sure he was going to break her! I was watching her and only her and don't actually remember seeing Levi deliver her - I was a little tired at that point ;) 

Once she was out they put a blanket around her and put her right in my lap :) There was wiping and clamping I think, but I just remember watching her and listening to her cry. I barely even saw my other two before they were rushed to be assessed and then off to the NICU - I didn't even hold Lucas until the next day. Since Z was breathing I got to hold her for a few minutes before they took her to be assessed (Apgars of 8 and 9).

They didn't take her to the NICU for a good ten or fifteen minutes, and Levi went with her when they did. Levi was able to get some pictures of her, and I just sat and listened blissfully to her tiny cry. I tore pretty badly and was still being fixed up when they left for the NICU; I was definitely glad her head wasn't any bigger! It was so worth it, though, and we'll just leave it at that ;)

Zelli's birth was truly the most amazing experience of my life so far! Yes, I loved giving birth to Lucas and Via and was so happy when they were born, but Zelli's actual birth is the one I would want to experience again. It took me a while to bond with Lucas and Via. I didn't really see them at all before I was rolled up to their isolette a few hours later; it almost felt like they could have been someone else's and I know that sounds harsh and sad, but it really did take me a little while to connect myself to them. As soon as Zelli was placed in my lap, though, she was mine. I watched her come out of me and as I held her she was definitely a part of me. I also knew her name immediately; it took us 3 days to name both Lucas and Via. I absolutely love all three of my children equally, and this birth experience was simply quite different than the other two. Although Zelli is not more fulfilling as a child than Lucas and Via are, her birth certainly was. Her birth was empowering for me as a woman, a mother, and even as a person with a cardiac history (I had no cardiac issues at all and now know that my heart can handle unmedicated childbirth ;) I definitely don't mean to diminish a c-section birth - I obviously know how hard those are as well, and I'm sure others have quite difference experiences with their full-term babies - but for me personally, the difference between the births was like night and day, and I'm so, so thankful that I was able to experience birth in a whole new way! Welcome to the world, Zelli Linette Christiansen!

The Holy Ghost

What the Holy Ghost does:
Comforts
Abides with us forever
Teaches all things
Bring things to remembrance
Gives peace
Testifies of Christ
Reproves the world of sin
Brings righteousness
Guides truth
Shows things to come
Glorifies Christ

What we must do to receive it:
Keep the commandments
See and know it
Be strong and unafraid
Bear witness of it

*References from John 14-16

One thing I love in these chapters is how much Christ cared for His disciples and apostles. He knew He would have to leave them, and although it pained Him - and them, I'm sure - He continually reassured them that He would not leave them comfortless. Christ definitely wanted to make sure that they still felt safe and secure even without Him right beside them. Christ cares about us just as much and wants us to have the Holy Ghost with us to comfort, teach and protect us.

I think the biggest thing that sticks out to me right now concerning the roles of the Holy Ghost is how it teaches all things. Not just spiritual, but temporal as well. This has been my most difficult semester by far, I think. When I was completing my Associate's, I mostly had Medical Assisting classes, which I loved. I understood those! And while I came to understand statistics, chemistry and world history well enough to keep my grades up (not ideal, but up), these subjects are definitely not my forte and have taken me a lot of work. This definitely didn't happen without help, though. Sometimes the kids were actually quiet while I studied (not this week, though ;), Levi helped out with the kids and house when he could, and I was constantly enlightened and expanded to understand these mostly-foreign concepts this semester (it's been about 8 years since I took a chemistry, algebra or history class and it showed!). I anticipate it will only get harder, and I definitely need the companionship of the Holy Ghost through all of it. My family needs the Holy Ghost because I'm usually not sufficient comfort for my husband or children while I'm spending so much time with school. But Heavenly Father and Christ know this. They know me. They know how stressed and emotional (thanks, baby #3 ;) I've been this week. And they care. I have felt them caring enough to send comfort even when I don't deserve it. I have felt them caring enough to comfort my poor kids while mom sits on the couch figuring out how many moles are in 0.436g of Magnesium. I'm constantly reminded by the Holy Ghost that this will all be worth it in the end. I'm doing this for my family, and it will all work out. I honestly don't know if I could live through the hard times without the comfort of the Holy Ghost.

Disciples of Christ

One of the topics this week questions, "Do others know that I am a disciple of Christ?" Specifically, "Do other's know I'm a disciple of Christ by the way I act?" I think I'm safe to answer "yes" to the first one, especially since I publish this blog about my beliefs on Facebook ;) But would others, who don't know me personally or at all, even assume that I follow Christ by the way I act? I honestly don't know. I think about how I handle my frustrations with my children in public - not well sometimes. I think about how easy it is for me to gossip with friends. I think about how I'm not really one to get up and move to sit with someone else in church. Today I honestly didn't really move next to anyone because I had chocolate and had already shared enough with my husband during Sunday School ;) Yes, I finished off the bag of mint truffle kisses during church today. And then I think about gluttony ha!

Do I truly follow Christ through my actions, and can others see that? Definitely not all the time. In our little activity it gives two examples of situations and asks how a disciple of Christ would respond:

*Someone you know is ridiculed or made fun of for the way he or she dresses. Have I seen this before? Yes, mostly as a teenager. What did I do? Nothing. Not standing up for them is just about as bad as joining in, in my book. I saw this "ridicule" situation more online a few years ago as mothers ridicule and judge other mothers because they aren't doing something "the right way." It got crazy! Don't we pressure ourselves enough as mothers?? We definitely don't need it from others. We should be uplifting other mothers, encouraging them and understanding that they are doing the best that they can.

*You see a new person at church. I've been the new person and I've seen new people. I've learned that I'm like many other people; not rude per se, but not usually outreaching. If we don't reach out to new members of our ward or church, though, it can definitely come off as mean and clique-ish. (At least for the women. I have no idea how men really act or feel when they move to a new ward or see a new member ;) We are supposed to be united. We are supposed to be welcoming and accepting. This is how Christ treats us; why is it so hard for us to treat others like this?

The next little part of this week's activity is to select someone that I can show more love for by being a better disciple of Christ. This definitely needs to be my husband this week. I'm getting to a very hormonal and exhausting stage of this pregnancy, and I'm definitely not as nice as I should be. I got confused yesterday when he was trying to have me do something, and I just get grouchy and frustrated easily when that happens :( This week I will be trying to speak to and treat him the way Christ would; Heaven knows He had more on His plate than an easy pregnancy and was still kind to everyone! I can try and do the same to at least the person I love most on this earth. I can try and be a better disciple this week.

Are You Ready?

Studying the second coming of Christ this week. How should we be preparing? What should we be watching for? When will He come? Will I be ready, or will I have just procrastinated my repentance and righteousness? It brings to mind the primary song When He Comes Again, specifically the second verse:

I wonder, when He comes again,
Will I be ready there (and I actually always thought it said "then")
To look upon his loving face
And join with Him in prayer?

I think I'm pretty safe in saying that I have righteous intentions. I really want to teach my children the Gospel better and pray more often and be kinder to others... but am I really doing it? (Now we're back to principle of good, better, and best; it's good to have good intentions, but it's better to actually do them, and it's best to become the person who is just plain good.) Will I be the kind of person that actually does these things before He comes? Would I feel comfortable today joining the Savior in prayer? I'm afraid the answer is actually 'no.' How could I pray with the Savior when I haven't even mastered daily prayer?

So, how do we prepare beyond commandment keeping and righteous living? In the Joseph Smith Translation of Matthew and the Doctrine and Covenants we find a few verses of how to live in constant preparation:

D&C 87:8 "Stand ye in holy places and be not moved, until the day of the Lord come; for behold, it cometh quickly..." Go to the temple, make your home a temple, a sanctuary, strive to treat your body like a temple, a holy place.

JST Matthew 1:37 "And whoso treasureth up my word shall not be deceived, for the Son of Man shall come..." Study the scriptures. Study the actual doctrines and principles that Christ teaches to avoid deception by others.

JST Matthew 1:48, 50 "Therefore be ye also ready, for in such an hour as ye think not, the Son of Man cometh. / Blessed is that servant whom his lord, when he cometh, shall find so doing..." Just do it. Just do what you are supposed to, because if you wait, it will most likely be too late. We won't be able to hop out of our chairs when we first hear the trumpets sound and act like we've been living righteously and repenting. We have to have been doing it.

D&C 33:17 "Wherefore, be faithful, praying always, having your lamps trimmed and burning, and oil with you, that you may be ready at the coming of the Bridegroom." (And while I was writing that sentence my daughter spilled a full glass of water all over the floor and I swore. This is obviously not meant to be a "I'm perfect, so let me preach to you" kind of thing ;) We all have things we are working on, we all have lamps to keep trimmed. By cutting out the bad and doing the good, we keep our lamps ready and drops of oil within reach for when we will need them to see the Coming of the Lord.

D&C 45:57 "They have taken the Holy Spirit for their guide, and have not been deceived..." In our study of the scriptures and doctrine, we need to make sure we are being led by the Holy Ghost in order to understand truth.

Even though no one knows exactly when Christ will come again, we have been giving things to look for. In Mark 13 we are taught about signs of the Second Coming which include, false Christs, wars and rumors of wars, nations rising against nations, earthquakes in divers places, famines and "troubles." And at the end of verse 9 it says, "these are the beginnings of sorrows." This is just the beginning; it will get worse. But I think we've all seen or heard about all of these signs already, so... any day now? If Christ were to come tomorrow, would I be ready? Nope. So I'd better wake up, "lest coming suddenly he find [me] sleeping" (v 36).

But I think there is hope. We've been given the tools and the ability, we just need to do it, and then there is hope. The rest of the second verse of the song goes:

Each day I'll to do his will
And let my light so shine
That others seeing me may seek
For greater light divine.
Then, when that blessed day is here,
He'll love me and he'll say,
"You've served me well, my little child;
Come unto my arms to stay."

It should be a blessed day that we look forward to, not one that we should fear. Christ will always love us, but how wonderful will that day be if we can look to Him and say, "I have loved you, too"?

Rejected By the Jews

This semester has been especially interesting to see how many of my classes intertwine with one another. Parts of my chemistry class have gone right along with my nutrition class. The math in chemistry has helped put an edge on my stats class. And my world foundation class has absolutely coincided in time periods relating to my New Testament class. I love it when they do that!

For the last two weeks in my world history class we have been studying the Roman empire and the transformation of it into Christianity. It took a good 300 years after Christ for the empire to even accept those who followed Christianity. Before this, they followed a very polytheistic religion that was very much related to a citizens' loyalty to Rome as a state. If you rejected the gods, you rejected your country. It also took on many aspects of Greek religion or beliefs, making polytheistic worship extremely widespread, including the Middle East areas where Christ taught.

My topic this week is on why the Jewish leaders rejected Christ. He was considered a Jew but was rejected by the leaders as He became more of a "threat" to the nations. It was believed throughout Rome that Christ's doctrine, or Christianity, was simply a Jewish sect, but the actual Jews thought otherwise - and knew otherwise - and I imagine that it simply ticked them off for others to think that they were basically the same. The Jewish leaders had to make a statement and make it known that they were not the same by completely rejecting Christ Himself. And the Jewish citizens followed, of course.

In Matthew 21 we read about a few parables that can be related to these happenings. The first one is about a fig tree. While traveling, Christ happened upon a fig tree that bore no fruit, just leaves. He cursed it, and it withered away (vs 17-20). In the Lord's vineyard, if you aren't bearing good fruit, even if you aren't bearing bad fruit, there just no use for the tree. The leaders rejected Him and He withdrew blessings among them.

In vs 28-32 we read about a man who had two sons and asked each of them to do something. The first said that he wouldn't but then repented and did what he was asked. The second son said he would do it and never did. In vs 31-32 Christ states, "That the publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you. For John came unto you in the way of righteousness, and ye believed him not: but the publicans and the harlots believed him: and ye, when ye had seen it, repented not afterward, that ye might believe him." The publicans and harlots - the "common" people - may have at first rejected Him, but then believed on Him as they actually understood the teachings. The leaders were taught by John and perhaps made it look like they believed for a little while, but rejected Christ and His teachings in the end.

To me, though, knowing a bit about the historical context of all these happenings puts it into a little more perspective, at least with Rome. For the Romans, rejecting and refusing to worship the "gods" was like Americans burning the flag at the foot of the White House. You're not just a rebel, you're a threat and a heretic. I'm not saying that putting Christ to death was acceptable in any regard, but I can see how a disruption among so many people and beliefs could lead to such events. Luckily for us, we have the freedom to worship any way we want, and I choose Christ.

Earthly and Heavenly Rewards

The New Testament is all about parables, right? Here are a few more I am studying this week ;)

The parable of the rich man; he came to Christ asking what he could do to gain eternal life. Christ replied that he should basically keep the ten commandments given to Moses. The man replied, "all these I have kept from my youth up: what lack I yet?" (Matthew 19:20)

Christ's reply to this was for the man to sell all that he had and give to the poor, but the man left in sorrow because he was rich. This goes back to my point from last week (?) about being rather than just doing. This man wanted something to do in order to gain eternal life. He was not very concerned with who he actually was becoming. Even though he was rich, this "something" - to give all he had to the poor - was too hard for him because he was not yet the kind of person that wanted to help the poor. He certainly could have done it and become closer to Christ and more like Christ because of it, but my guess is that the little things he had previously been doing - keeping the commandments - weren't changing him enough first.

When we make these kind of sacrifices Christ has promised us that we "shall sit in the throne of his glory" and that we "shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life" (vs 28-29). The verse I like the best in this parable is 26 stating that "With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible." If we try to do these things alone, especially the "big" or "hard" things, we will fail. It almost seems paradoxical: in order to follow God, we need His help. That doesn't sound much like following but rather being prodded or led. (Back to the song, Child of God, "Lead me, guide me".) Isn't this how we raise our children, though? I've been asking Via for hours to pick up all the candy she spilled in my bedroom. She probably can't do it on her own and I should probably go help her ;) I've been busy balancing chemical equations and figuring out how many grams of iron are leftover in a certain reaction and haven't wanted to go help pick up candy corn. I tell myself that she made the mess and is capable of picking it up, but that's not really true. Even as adults, we make messes of our lives all the time, at least I do, and am still in desperate need of Christ's help to pick up the pieces. By doing the things He asks of us and letting Him guide us, we are then able to follow Him.

The second parable is in Matthew 20 about the laborers in the vineyard all getting paid the same amount for different amounts of time worked. (This sounds like the beginning of a heat equation to me *eye roll*) Anyway, each laborer agrees to work the day for a penny, so those that are present in the morning start then. The lord of the vineyard goes out and recruits more laborers at the sixth, ninth and eleventh hours and pays them a penny for the day as well. Obviously the ones who have worked all day feel taken advantage of since they had been there all day in the heat of the day and were paid the same amount as those who worked only one hour. The lord replies, "Friend, I do thee no wrong: didst not thou agree with me for a penny? Take that thine is (take what we agreed upon) and go thy way: I will give unto this last, even as unto thee. Is it not lawful for me to do what I will with mine own?" (vs 13-15).

It does sound harsh, right? Some of us probably even get like this with our actual employment rates. But that's not exactly what Christ is trying to portray here. What about those who come unto Christ in the eleventh hour? Are they not just as blessed as those who have lived His gospel all their lives? Will they receive less eternal life because they were not recruited until later? No. This can bring comfort to many who have not had the opportunity to live the Gospel their whole lives. No matter when we come unto Christ, He has promised us blessings for following him - or for allowing ourselves to be led by Him. For those of us that have been "working" in the vineyard all day, it gives us the opportunity to learn more and perhaps some of us need more practice ;) I definitely need more practice with patience, especially when it comes to Via peeing on the stairs, which I now have to go clean up...

Disciples of Christ

What does it mean to be a disciple of Christ?

Be willing to hear His words
Have a desire to pray
Readily repentant
Friendly to all
Humble
Sharing of our abundance
Undoubting
Watchful
Always striving to return to Him
Diligent in serving others
Committed

These are just a few of the traits or qualities that true disciples of Christ have. This is who disciples of Christ have become or at least are trying to become. Being a disciple, to me, is more about just doing these things. It's about being like Christ.

I sing the song"I Am a Child of God" most nights to my kids at bedtime. I change the word "do" in the phrase "teach me all that I must do" to "be" when I sing it to them. Via got mad at me the other night. She insisted that it is, of course, "do" in the song. (She also insists that church songs are to be sung only at church, and I can't sing them to her at bedtime *eye roll.*) While she is correct about the actual wording of the song, I still like my way more :) I tried to explain - to a 2 year old, 3 in 13 days! - that it's about who we are and not just about what we do.

I emphasize just, though, because I do believe that our actions are the greatest indicators of who we truly are most of the time. But if we are simply going through the motions of prayer, church attendance, and partaking of the Sacrament, Heavenly Father will know. He knows who we really are. Doing these things are definitely important, but they are designed for us to do them and become someone other than our natural, mortal selves. We must be striving to be while we are doing all these things.

One of the things that I will be working on next month is prayer. I'm horrible at praying consistently. It's so easy for me to fall out of the habit and so hard for me to get back in for some reason. I've noticed lately, though, that neither of my kids really have that desire to pray. I definitely need to do a better job of being an example of it, especially while I am at home with them all the time for the next few months. It's up to me to show them how to be a disciple of Christ. I'd better practice what I preach, right? ;)