He's Just Talkin' To Himself at 3 In the Morning...

Via is FINALLY asleep after hours of restlessness and intermittent squeals due to gas... And now Lucas is just talking up a storm to himself (I guess. I'm not aware of any imaginary friends at the moment), and it is now 3:11 am. Sweet.

His little conversation is filled with various tones, a few shrieks, what sounds like explanations, and perhaps a chastisement or two! Whom is he chastising? I have no idea...

I'm still up with V sleeping on my chest. She sleeps much better this way, and since my days and nights are all screwed up, what the heck! I'm listening to Lucas to see if his chatting will turn into fussing. It sounds like it might. He will usually just take a sippy and go back to bed if he's fussing, but he may be very awake now and want to play if I go in his room. And I'm afraid to put Via down in fear of her waking up since she is now squirming around... which which turned into a serious shriek that led to Lucas's current fussing. Awesome.

I think it's time for Dad to take over!

The Good Life

Well, it's 1:40 am, and both my babies are sleeping... I have been up most of the night for the past few nights with Via, and now she's back to normal, but I am not. That's the life, right? I have my textbook open next to me (to get a head start on one of my classes next semester) and I had every intention of doing some homework until I thought, "maybe I will blog first!"

In all honesty, I don't really know what I want to write about, so this may just be a bit of rambling :) Today was all sorts of up and down. I got up early (for me... like 8 am haha) since Levi had to work. He is more of a morning person and will usually get up with the kids around then on his days off since I have been getting up with V during the night. Anyway, I was up, feeling good, fed the babies, started laundry, did the dishes, folded laundry, put the kids down for a nap, fed them again when they woke up, picked up the house... it was probably the most productive day of housework in the last 5 weeks combined! It felt great to get so much done, so that was good, but I got so tired and cranky later on :( Levi came home, and I knew he was tired, but he kept telling me how tired he was throughout the day, and it just kind of made me feel like my being tired (despite my 45 min nap) wasn't justified. I dunno. We were both just so tired and cranky that the evening just kids of turned into more of an argument and hurt feelings on both sides that the day just didn't seem as great as it had earlier.

But that's how it goes, right? Life with a toddler and a newborn? I am very aware that Levi helps out a TON and I really couldn't do this without him! I have no idea how single parents do this... and I have easy kids! Maybe that's part of it, too; I feel like I really can't complain sometimes because I don't have it as bad as others. My kids are great, really. Lucas can get cranky, but he goes down for a nap and it wonderful after that usually. Via just sleeps, eats, pees, looks around... she is hardly ever super fussy. Lucas wasn't either. I was telling my cousin, Aubrey, the other day that I'm pretty sure we are done having kids because either 1) Via will be another amazingly easy baby and I just can't jinx us by having another one, or 2) she will be much harder than Lucas was and will not make me want to have any more anyway! Remind me to come back to the "more kids" topic...

Anyway, I just keep thinking these days that I am really not allowed to complain. Which I do. A lot. I hear of people with babies that have to be held all the time or are sick, or I think of those who can't even have children or have a hard time getting pregnant (which we obviously didn't have an issue with!) I have one friend that lost their baby at 38 weeks. 38 weeks! I can't even imagine... I never even made it to 38 and both my kids are perfectly healthy! It just breaks my heart, and this friend is so amazing and seems to be coping with things a whole lot better than I would. I actually found out about their loss on the day I found out how serious Via's growth issue was, so naturally I started freaking out! This ended up being 4 days before I had her, but I cannot tell you how *relieved* I was when I went into labor and ended up having her early, actually. I say *relieved* because I was still afraid of there being complications with prematurity, but I figured we handled 32 weeks with Lucas, we could definitely do 35! And we did. Her stay was much easier, and I just couldn't believe how blessed we were to have two healthy preemie babies! Everything worked out perfectly, and apparently ended up being my "quit complaining" lesson... which I'm still working on ;)

So, back to the "more kids" in the future issue: this has been so weird for me. I always knew I wasn't an extremely patient person, but I guess I thought it might change once I had my own children. It may have a little, but not much. I hate losing my cool with Lucas, but I do... and then I feel worse because I know that he really is easy compared to other kids (refer to previous topic lol!) He woke up crying tonight. It seems like he had a bad dream and was really scared. I went in, tried to soothe him, Levi got him some milk, held him for a while, but wouldn't go back to bed yet. We had just finished bathing Via right before he woke up, and I started feeding V after Levi took over with Lucas. Again, I have no idea how single parents do this!! Well, Lucas was settling down, and we all just went into the front room and sat on the couch with the Christmas lights on. Levi held Lucas and I sat next to them feeding Via :) It was just so perfect and it's moments like that where our family feels complete. I didn't ever feel like that when we just had Lucas. Right after he was born I knew someone was missing, and I was ready for another baby a few weeks later! Well, it was only 8 months later, and we were pregnant again! Now that we have our son and daughter, things feel very complete. At least for now. I have no idea what will happen in the future, but I have no desire for more children right at this moment. And I'm sure most of it is taking care of two now that are 15 months apart! But it's just so weird since I had always imagined having at least more than two... I actually would sometimes look at couples with two and think "can't you handle more than that??" Well, I'm not sure if I can handle more than that now! So funny how life works... it's just so Mormon culture to have a big family, I figured that's how I would turn out. Anyway, enough of that! Whatever happens in the future with more kids or no more kids will work out how it is supposed to!

On another note, Via weighed 6 lbs 1 oz the other day! And she has been eating almost every 2 - 2 1/2 hours today, so I'm sure she's in for another growth spurt! She actually has some chunk on her legs! Not normal baby chunk of course, but still some! Lucas is thickening up as well. I cannot believe how fast these kids grow sometimes! He is build like my Grandpa Holman, which is where we got Lucas's middle name :) His legs are really muscular and thick right now and he has a little tummy on him! It may just be the age, but I like that it reminds me of my Grandpa.

I cannot believe it is almost Christmas! Time goes by way too fast these days... no one ever told me life speeds up once you get married and have kids! I'm starting to dread going back to school. I have no idea how I'm going to do it, but I have to keep reminding myself that it really will be over before I know it (especially with how busy I will be, I'm sure!) Two more semesters, two more semesters... I have my moments of "yeah, I can do this!" and "crap! I really can't do this!" Hence my wanting to get ahead on some homework ;) This class is the second part of my Medical Assisting class/lab, and my teacher gave me the workbook chapters that we will be doing. I found out during the first half that they are sooooo time consuming! We would have like 2 or 3 due each week, and it was killer sometimes! So, I figure if I can get a head start on some of these it will help a lot! I think I have about 4 out of 16 done so far. Bleh.

Well, there's Via waking up! Maybe I can get to sleep after she eats since it is now 2:30 am... goodnight!

I Have Two Kids...

I now have two kids. Miss Via came home yesterday, exactly two weeks after she was born. She's super easy now, but I'm definitely wondering how the next few months are gonna go with Levi and I both in school full-time. Yes, I'm pretty sure I'm going full-time in January. Bleh.

Lucas is adjusting, although I'm fairly certain the change has sent him into the "terrible twos" early. *Eye roll* Oh, the tantrums. This seems like it would be the hardest stage since he can do so much and wants different things, but he can't talk and communicate effectively yet. So, he went to bed a half hour early tonight.

I did get a lot done today, though, and now I'm exhausted. Three loads of laundry (folded and put away!), two loads of dishes, clean-ups after Lucas, two children fed, one bathed and put to bed. And this was all just since 3 pm when Levi left for work. I told myself that when Lucas was in bed and Via was fed, I would start on some homework I have for school next semester... it's sitting next to me. Does that count??

So, I grew up as the oldest of six. I always thought I wanted a big family, at least 4 kids anyway, but now I'm not so sure. I know there were multiple times when I was pregnant and taking care of Lucas that I thought to myself, "We're done after this one! No more kids. We're stopping at two." Perhaps it's just the age gap of only 15 months, but I dunno. A few months after Lucas was born, it still felt like something was missing, and I wanted to have another kid soon. Maybe since he was just the easiest baby it was easy to think that?? Well, when he was 9 months old we found out about Olevia. It just felt right. The timing with both kids was right for our family. Of course, Levi and I talked about how many kids we wanted before we got married. We both wanted a bunch, but man! kids are stressful sometimes! Anyway, what I'm trying to say is it was really, really weird rethinking my whole family dream. I admit, I almost looked down on some couples that only had two kids thinking, "can they not handle any more? Who only has two?" Well, I'll tell ya... babysitting (even your own siblings) is A LOT different than having your own!

My sister actually asked me last month what was so different when you have a kid. Um, everything! And two? I'm thinking everything will change again. My sister thought: well, you just have a kid. You take it where you go, get a babysitter sometimes, feed it..." (That's the attitude I got out of the conversation, anyway.) Yep, you take it where you go, and you take it to the doctor's, out to play, to the store (where "quick trips" turn into at least 45 min.), and with those trips you make sure you have snacks, a sippy cup, diapers, wipes, socks on their feet, a jacket, etc. Yep, you get a sitter sometimes. Moms, don't you just *love* asking someone to watch your kids? Well, I feel totally guilty most times. And yep. You feed it. You make sure you feed it enough, you make sure you don't overfeed it, you make sure it burps so it's not fussing an hour later, you make sure it's gaining weight, you make sure it eats fruits, veggies, protein, and carbs... you give it a spoon to hold so it doesn't grab at yours, you clench your teeth when it pushes the food onto the floor, you sigh when it purses it's lips and refuses to eat whatever-it-is, and you make sure it's clean after eating because no one likes a dirty kid. Do you like how I referred to my kid as "it"? And that's just one kid...

Now I have two. And I'm thinkin' that may be enough for us. I look at Lucas, then at Via, then to Levi, and our family feels complete. At least for now. The feeling is totally different than it was after we had Lucas. I'm pretty certain I won't be having any more kids, and it's totally weird to me. Between my heart issues, the preterm babies, the NICU stays, the paper-thin uterus when Via was born, I feel very blessed to have our two healthy children. Even if we end up adopting later on, it's really strange to think that I won't be pregnant again. I'm 23 years old, and I'm done having kids. For someone who thought they would have 5, maybe 6, it's a foreign concept. It's slowly sinking in.

So, when I think, "I have two kids..." it kinda goes both ways. I'm a little shocked that we now have TWO kids to look after, care for, and raise as best we can. But it's also just weird to think that ten years down the road when someone asks how many kids I have, I may respond with "I have two kids."

I Have Preemie Babies

So, I figured I would start out by writing about when my kids were born, since they are kind of the title of my blog! I tend to forget things, and since I'm sure this blog will turn out to be more or less like a journal, I could just remember them here.

Lucas Dee Christiansen

Born August 2nd, 2010 at 1:13 pm

4 lbs 1 oz at 32 weeks 15.5 inches

He later dropped to 3 lbs 11 oz

The morning I had him I remember thinking that it was getting time to start "getting cute" in the mornings in case I went into labor early. We knew from the beginning that I was at risk for pre-term labor due to several things. Well, I went into labor before I had a chance to shower and do my make up. Dang it! I didn't feel one strong contraction, maybe a few small ones I barely remember, but I had some intense back labor!

It went on and got worse for about an hour or so before I decided to call my doctor's office. They told me to come in as soon as I could (I already had an appointment scheduled for that day). When I finally got back to a room and saw my OB, he checked and was surprised that I was dilated 5 cm already! This was in Rexburg, but we knew we wouldn't be delivering there since the hospital is not tertiary care for cardiac patients in case anything went wrong with my heart (congenital defect, double valve replacement, murmurs in all 4 valves...). So, my doctor said, "I'll call ERIMC," (East Idaho Regional Medical Center in Idaho Falls about 45 minutes away) "they may try to stop labor, but probably not since you are already dilated so much."

My doctor just send us on our way down to Idaho Falls and says as we are heading out the door, "Don't worry. Babies born this early have a great survival rate." Okay... thanks? Levi is driving through construction while I'm on the phone calling family to let them know. By the time we got to the hospital and checked by the on-call doctor, I was dilated to about 7 or 8 cm. We were definitely having a baby that day!

Everything went by so fast. I was prepped for a c-section since Lucas was transverse, and there was no way of really turning him due to my heart-shaped (bicornuate)/septate uterus. It was also the opinion of my cardiologist and the OB that it would be easier on me to just opt for a c-section. I agreed. Surgery is no stranger to me, so I was fine with it. I soon went back to the OR, was given a spinal, and started going numb immediately. They brought Levi in, and he sat next to me and just held my hand the whole time.

When Lucas was born, they tried to lift him up over the sheet for me to see him, but I only caught a glimpse of his little foot before they whisked him away to the NICU. His apgar scores were good... an 8 and 9 if I remember right. He came out screaming, so he continued to breathe alright on his own, but since he was so premature, he still need assistance from Cpap. He was in the NICU for exactly 5 weeks. (Those were long weeks.) He started out with just 1 mL of formula. After about 3.5-4 weeks, we were all ready to take him home. He was doing great; we brought the car seat in one day to do the car seat test, and one of the neonatologists (the one I didn't like) informed us that he had a pretty bad desat (drop in oxygen) earlier and it would be at least another week before he would be able to come home. That was the worst day. The neo then said, "Well, he wasn't due yet anyway." Really?? That's not the point. Well, Lucas's hematocrit/red blood cell count was low, so we decided to do a blood transfusion, and that really helped. He did come home in the next week or so around 5.5 lbs.

This is my favorite picture of him the day he was born

Olevia Dawn Christiansen

Born November 13th, 2011 at 11:21 am

4 lbs 4 oz at 35 weeks 18 inches

She later dropped to 3 lbs 13 oz

Oh, no. Pretty sure I knew I had overdone it when I started having contractions the night before she was born. I took it pretty easy most days during my pregnancy with her, but was feeling so lazy and useless that night. I got a bit of a nesting kick, and I started cleaning! I started the laundry, I did the dishes, I fed Lucas, bathed him, tried to put him to bed early (so I could sit down and try to get rid of the contractions or see if I could time them)... but the contractions kept getting stronger. Levi was at work, but I had been txting him on his Lunch break (at 8 pm since he was on a swing shift), and I told him I may go to the hospital if they didn't stop. His mom actually called me to see how I was doing. I thought Levi had told her to call me, but he hadn't. She was right on time, because I was getting worried. I had her come home just in case, but told her I would call Amber, my sister in law, and her husband to come watch Lucas and take me to L&D since Levi had our only car. Marcos, Amber's husband, watched Lucas (because he, of course, wouldn't go to bed), and Amber took me to the hospital.

Lucas (15 months at the time) knew something was up. I eventually took him out of his crib before Amber and Marcos got there, since he wasn't settling down. I just got him out and sat on his bedroom floor. He walked over to me and just laid his head down on my lap and hugged my legs. It was super cute, but also scared me because this was the moment I knew something was really going on!

When I got to the hospital they put me on the monitors. I as still contracting, so they gave me a shot of Terb to stop them. Thank goodness my doctor was the one on-call! He knew my history, knew how to handle the situation, he had been seeing me every week for a while... The Terb worked for a while. I was only dilated 2 cm, so my doctor opted to send me home to rest with another shot of Terb since we were only about 10 min from the hospital (it was around midnight by then). He said he knew I would rest better at home, but to come right in if anything felt off at all.

Levi left work and came to the hospital. We left around 1:20 am, I ate some leftover pizza when we got home, and I went to bed. I slept until about 8 am when I woke up to contractions. This was all so weird to me since it was completely opposite from my labor with Lucas. With him, no contractions, just back labor. With Olevia, no back labor, just contractions. Weird.

Anyway, the contractions kept coming (I didn't time them), and after about 45 minutes of them we decided to go back in to the hospital. Levi's mom, Dawn, stayed with Lucas, and Amber and Marcos came back over to watch him while she went to her church meetings (it was Sunday morning).

My OB, Doctor Jacobs, was still on call until Monday morning (yay!), so he came in to check me and I had progressed to 4 cm dilated. He made the call to do the c-section asap. Via was also transverse, and I was not a good candidate for a VBAC. Repeat c-section it was! Again, I was prepped, IVed, taken into the OR for a spinal, and Levi was brought in a little after my doctor started cutting. Apparently someone forgot to bring in Dad! This time, Levi watched the whole surgery. I was pretty jealous! Doctor pulled Via out bum first followed by her legs and then head. I was informed that my uterus was "paper thin" and was very lucky that I didn't rupture.

Via came out kicking Dr. Jacobs! I knew she was a feisty one! The nurse was aware that I didn't really get to see Lucas before they took him, so she brought Olevia around the curtain so I could see her face first! Once Via was cleaned up and stable, Levi was taken back to see her. The NICU filled out a card with her info and footprints on it that Levi was able to bring back to show me while I was being sewn up.

After I was out of recovery, I was able to see her before going to my post-op room. She was 3 weeks older than Lucas was, but only 3 oz bigger because she developed IUGR (intrauterine growth restriction). She only measured in the 1st percentile for her head and abdomen the week before she was born. I'm convinced that's why I went into labor. My awesome uterus just wouldn't let her grow anymore.

Her NICU stay (she is currently still there as I write this, but should be coming home in a few days) will only be about 2 weeks. I wish I had thought to do this with Lucas, but here is the link to the Facebook page I created for her updates and progress... and pictures!

This is my favorite picture of her a day or two after she was born

So, the question now is " are we going to have any more kids?" Probably not! Between the NICU stays, the paper thin uterus and my health issues... I don't think I will be birthing any more 4 lb babies! Adoption? Possibly.