What A Year!!

What a year it has been!! It has definitely turned out a lot different than it started! Loving this *new* little life of ours... Here is our Top 13  - not necessarily in order except for #1 - of 2013 :) Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

13. We no longer have to pay for Internet

12. Lucas is potty trained!! (Still working on the V-ster)

11. Both kids now speak in full, understandable sentences

10. We have stayed in the same place, an actual house, for over a year!

9. I have learned a LOT at my job and finally feel competent ;)

8. With the help of a friend, I have found a love 

for thrift store clothes shopping and updated my style ;)

7. I got a carpet cleaner for my birthday which has been well-used

6. We celebrated 4 years of marriage...

5. ... and then took a fantastic class on marriage in church

4. Levi was offered a part-time job with ISU

3. Planned and scheduled (for Jan 9) surgery to 

hopefully keep the next baby (planned for 2014) baking full-term ;)

2. We have way too many channels (of which we only watch about 3) for free because...

1. Levi started working for CableOne Advertising!! He makes commercials for clients and works *normal* office hours :D

...And the Busy Keeps On

Why, yes, I have been a slacker :/ Lots of changes and things going on lately. I'll start with the biggest one... Levi scored a job with CableOne Advertising as a Producer!!! He makes commercials for clients and makes sure shows and ads are airing properly. He started at the end of August and is loving it! And I love having him home evenings and weekends. The benefits aren't too shabby, either :)

We've been adjusting to a whole new routine lately and then throwing in parties, a baby shower, Super Saturday, and holidays. Craziness. Via turned 2 a few weeks ago as well, so there was a party planned for that, of course. Not a huge one, just family and a friend of mine. It turned out cute :)

I didn't take many pictures, but here are the cupcakes - Sorry for the blurriness; the camera on my phone is foggy

Before the birthday, though, there was Halloween. My grandma found this awesome pilot jacket at a thrift store in San Antonio when she was visiting, and I immediately knew their Halloween costumes for this year when she showed it to me. Hello, Pilot Lucas and Stewardess Via!

In the last few weeks, Lucas learned to put larger puzzles together. He loves his Jake and the Neverland Pirate puzzle (24pc)!

 This weekend was Thanksgiving. Levi and I both had work off from Thursday on (love grow-up jobs ;) We went up to my grandma's for Thanksgiving dinner, which was yummy as always. My Uncle Blake made the turkey which was the best turkey I've every had. Instead of brining it, he said he just rubbed salt underneath the skin about 24 hr before cooking it. Easy and delicious! I will be trying that for Christmas Eve dinner.

I jumped right in the day after Thanksgiving and decorated for Christmas!! I had the urge to decorate the tree different than my traditional red and gold... and Levi was fine with me putting pink and purple on it! Lovin' it!!

The kids and I decorated pinecones on Saturday. I spray painted them purple, pink, and blue, and then the kids sprinkled glitter on them :)  

About a month ago I helped pull off a great Super Saturday for our Relief Society. I wish I would have taken pictures because it turned out really cute! The speakers were wonderful, and the food was delicious, too!! 

There was also the baby shower for my sister in law that I helped my mother in law put together. It turned out super awesome as well! I made a blanket for the gift that really turned out great, but I was up until 3am the morning of the shower finishing it :/ It took the longest time, though. Once I get up the courage again, I will make one or two for my kids. 

And there was Christmas shopping!! Done. Wrapped, even. I'm super glad I got it all done, because we have plans every weekend up until Christmas. More parties (very glad I don't have to plan them, though!), concerts, and a princess tea party with my little princess! (Her birthday gift from Grandma Dawn.)

Here's to hoping for a wonderful, slightly less crazy, last month of 2013. Wow. Time sure in flying...

Busy, Busy, Busy

Wow! Where did the last few months go?!? Are we really this far into August?? I have a 3 year old now?? I'm not sure how this all happened...

Lucas turned three this month, and we had a splish splash birthday bash with his cousin, Ben, who turned 5 this month! These kids are growing up way too fast. It was supposed to be this big double birthday thing, but every kid I invited was either at a family reunion or their grandparents. But by the time we finally came to the day of the birthday party I was so relieved that it ended up being just our family. Whew! I have been exhausted! I feel like we've been running and going 100 miles an hour. Actually, Levi almost was last weekend...

He completed his second, but twice as long, triathlon last Saturday! 1 mile swim, 24 mile bike ride and a 10k. Holy cow!! He was going, going, going for over three hours! I haven't even ran a full 5k since I last posted about it.... in June, I think :/

After the race

Just crossed the finish line

Yup. That's my man :) He's just awesome this week... more details to come later!

Mama, on the other hand, not so awesome the last few weeks. Things are finally getting better, but it's been a rough, stressful month. Planning parties/relief society night (which I was excited to do and turned out great, it just fell at a bad time), Levi working late a lot of nights and Sundays, the house being crazy messy because I don't feel like cleaning it but I still have two toddlers... Anyway, crazy and busy and stressful seemingly 100% of the time. That's how August has been. So I hired a housekeeper. And I love her :) Sooooo worth it! It has made a world of difference. The house stays pretty clean, but even when it's messy it's not *dirty* and it's not messy *all* the time. On Mondays and Thursdays I come home to a fantastically clean house! I can definitely deal with that!

There have also been other personal changes and things going on that are already making September appear much better than this month has been ;) I guess we will just have to see!

What A Nice Change

This weekend has been so very different from the past three :) It has been a nice change. Not that the kids changed at all. They are kids. And they're still cranky pants lately. But I've been about 50% calmer. With work. A few spankings here and there, but not nearly as many outbursts as I had a few weeks ago. Not so many mommy-time-outs as I had thought... but more of me just trying not to care about the little stuff, about the house being clean all the time (obviously... Via got Oreo stuck in her hair tonight...) Wonderful, right?

I just really have to remember... all the time... that they act like kids because they are kids. I'm the adult. I read that somewhere last night, and it was awesome. Eye opener, ya know? I also read - maybe in the same article - that as mothers we should know better than to judge one another. We should be strengthening and lifting each other instead of trying to compare. Because we all know how hard it is. And non-parents, judge all you want until you have children of your own. I don't care. I was also the perfect parent before I had kids ;) Just wait. *I add in "of your own" there because believe it or not, babysitting is ENTIRELY different than having your own midgets 24/7. Seriously. I'm the oldest of 6 and got my fair share of babysitting in... just trust me. 

My house is a disaster, but at least the dishes are done. Lucas stayed up until almost midnight the other night, but he slept in the cart during our entire trip to Costco. (Natural consequences, right? He really wanted to go to Costco later ;) I made freezer pasta for dinner tonight, and it ended up on the couch because I didn't feel like rounding kids up to a table I hadn't cleared off yet, but they are fed. 

Pick your battles and let perfection go. It's not gonna happen. Do the best you can, and when you can't, don't hold it against yourself. Try again tomorrow. That's all for now ;)

No More

It was a weird day. It was Sunday, which means Sundays are always hard, but it was hard and weird. Lots of thoughts swirling around this head of mine at 2 am... Let's begin.

I yell. And spank. A lot. Too much. It has taken me until now to realize that it's not helping, and it's not working. I grew up with yelling and hitting and violence, as I may have mentioned in some past post, and it's no excuse at all for how I choose to act now... I'm just saying that's how I grew up expressing feelings. And it's hard to change. But it's time for a change.

I'm afraid that if I don't change I will never be able to be a stay at home mom. Hard job. I may lose my mind. Most of the time when I'm home with the kids on the weekends, I feel like I am just not cut out to be a SAHM. Bring on the mama guilt. It should be easy. It should be natural, right? It's not, at least for me. What's "natural" for me lately is screaming every time they make a mess. Which is A LOT. When Lucas hits Via, I spank him. When he's just being too loud, I become louder. You think I would have figured this out a while ago, with common sense and all, that it is just not working. He screams, I scream, he screams louder. Duh, Shaeli. Could we have not taken a step back and analyzed the situation before now?? Really though it's just gotten bad in the last few weeks. I'm sure the super hard work week, the pneumonia, the fractured rib and every other life stressor helped a ton with my mama actions ;) So, that crap week is over, my rib feels better, I'm not coughing all day long now... and we begin again.

No more yelling. No more spanking. The rest of July will be my "try"al month in which I give myself "tires" and remember this resolve before lashing out. August will officially be "stop" month. I have no idea what I'm going to do instead, so stay tuned as I figure it out ;)

What led to all this on this hard and weird day? I had to leave church. Levi was able to come today which was good because I had to physically leave church and go home to calm down. We weren't even 20 min in. Keep in mind our church starts at 1pm, and I'm usually stressed before we even walk out the door. That held true today. I was tired, hadn't eaten much, the last few days were hard as well... and these kids just didn't want to sit still. I tried giving him the iPad with headphones early - usually he does a good job of waiting until after they've passed the Sacrament - but he wanted to run around with his head still attached to it. I lost it. Right in the middle of a baby blessing :(  Well done, self. I took Lucas out and we both ended up on the floor crying. So Levi sent me home. Good man, that Levi. He knows when his wife needs a time-out ;) And I did. I took a time-out, ate some lunch, researched how to be a calmer mother, and went back to church.

So, the first line of defense will most likely be a mama time-out. It seemed to work pretty well today! Just to breathe or count or lock myself in my room (just figured out today that our bedroom door has a lock. Who knew?) The kids are just being kids 80% of the time so there is no real misbehavior to punish. Lately Lucas and Via have been awesome at picking on each other, and that 20% does need to be disciplined somehow, I'm just not sure how yet. Suggestions would be much appreciated!

I haven't really figured any other tactics out beside the mama time-out, so we'll see what works and what doesn't I guess. I've been reading a bunch of articles on parenting, not yelling, why spanking is bad (which I don't believe it is if you can do it right... I just can't do it right right now... if that makes sense.) But I haven't come across any foolproof ways to discipline. Probably because kids aren't fools ;) Those little midgets are smart! And of course what works for one kid won't work as well for another. So we'll get creative! Again, techniques that will work on a 3 year old would be very helpful! We may have to just wait it out with Via. I have no idea what to do with that chick. Lucas was not like this when he was that age :/ She provokes him, and I guess he didn't really have anyone to provoke at the time.

Now for the weird part of the day/weekend: I still want more kids. I still wanted more the whole time I was frustrated with the ones I have. Yeah, I wanted to ship them off somewhere for a while and crawl in my bed and die this morning, but I still wanted more. That feels so selfish to me, so then I'd go beating myself up again for wanting more when I can't even figure out the ones I've got. I have no idea how to analyze this thought... It's just weird to me. Just. weird. It's like I know in the very back of my mind that even though it is hard now, it will pass. This part will get easier, and I would still like 4 kids in the long run. I guess we will see how these next few months go and then maybe reevaluate...

Anyway, there's my confession for the day: I spent half of it mad and thinking I'm a horrible mother and the other half snuggling with Lucas during a movie and pushing Via in the swing at Grandma Dawn's. It was a toss up. But even the toss-up days mixed with yelling and spanking are not great like they should be. These kids deserve great days. They won't all be great, but most of them should be. So it's time for a change to become great.

Let Freedom Ring!

Love Independence Day in Malad! Our 4th of July was super fun! Most of it. The very end where Via wouldn't stop screaming before and during the fireworks was a downer to a great day, but all in all it was great!

We started the day off with the parade, then went to Grandpa Billy and Grandma Susie's to ride the go-cart, had lunch where we always do - at the Thomas's - had fun shooting guns with Grandpa, Lucas got to jump on the trampoline, Via took a nap in the car while we went to the Drive-In for shakes and while Lucas jumped on the bouncy houses and slide, later there was Malad's Got Talent of course, and then we finished off the day with fireworks! Whoo! It was a very busy day! Via was just so tired by the time we got to the fireworks she didn't stop screaming until 15 min after we got on the road to head home. I don't think she was scared because she loved the ones we saw while waiting for the big show; she was just way past exhausted, poor girl. She had lots of fun earlier in the day, though, I promise! I think it was pretty evident from the way her shirt ended up ;)

This is how the shirts started out around 8 am...

At the parade

Via looking for candy

The bow untied... and wouldn't stay tied

They got popsicles :)

Digging in!

Lucas's first time shooting a gun

Not interested in shooting - Via was just gearing up to ride the go-cart! 

And for our awkward part of the day... Levi has a camelback water thing that he and the kids were drinking out of all day. The mouthpiece falls right at Levi's nipple, so he had a blast "nursing" the kids ;)

 "Rescuing" cousin Emma... she got all the way up there before anyone realized! 

And this is how Via's shirt ended up... we lost the "star" bow somewhere around shooting guns

Not quite as dirty, but lost his star as well

Sno-cones... 

... and cotton candy!

We are so grateful we live in such a great country where we are free to do all these fun things! We are also very grateful for jobs that close on the 4th of July ;) Thank you to all those who have fought to keep this country free! I hope everyone had a great holiday with family and friends!

Moms Aren't Supposed to Get Sick...

Load. of. crap. I wish moms wouldn't get sick, but we do. At least this one, this working/daycare mom does. I think this is cough #4 since I started working and put the kids in daycare last September. The last ones would go away with a  Z-pac but just kept coming back. This one started with allergies, so I thought that was all it was, but I should have known better. They always turn bacterial for me. And obviously the Z-pacs weren't cutting it :/ Oh, and I think I cracked my rib this time :D Super fun! Levi is a little hesitant to admit to an actual fractured rib, but this is what I know: I've had open-heart surgery which led to at least 5 fractured ribs and 1) this feels just like that, and 2) even if it isn't actually cracked, it hurts really bad. And when I cough, it hurts really, really, really bad. Like had-to-hold-a-pillow-to-my chest-after-heart-surgery-bad (but only in one spot this time, thank goodness!)

So, things got bad enough, and I got stressed out enough that my wonderful mother-in-law came over to watch the kids after church while I went to an urgent care. Good choice, I think! It boiled down to (his almost-exact words): "Well, we can either get an x-ray and see that you pneumonia, or we can go ahead and treat you for pneumonia." I opted not to pay for an x-ray just to prove I'm right about the rib  ;) and he went ahead and attacked this crap from all sides! So, one shot in the tukus (which I didn't even catch the name of, should have), one antibiotic, one inhaler, one steroid, one narcotic, and one work excuse later.... I am starting to feel better! Hopefully this will get rid of it once and for all!

Not gonna lie... knowing that I don't have to work tomorrow/today (it's 1:30 am) was a huge relief in itself. It's very stressful trying to not cough all over your patients and super stressful when you are not successful. Which I wasn't at least 70% of the time. All. week. long. last week. Ohhhh, last week...

Preface: I love my job. I know I joke about working with urine and whatnot, but I really do love what I do. It's a great job - with benefits, yay!! - and I work with really great people! However, last week was definitely super stressful and I think the work situation added to this sick crap just did me in; last week was hell for me. It was our first week after moving into a different office on the same floor - I can't imagine how it was when they moved entire the entire building about  a year and a half ago (I was a pt then, actually, and saw my nurse run around trying to figure things out. Didn't look fun). It was a great decision for our clinic for multiple reasons, I think. It will be good once we get really adjusted :) But my providers - the 3 midwives and our PA - downsized a bit. We went from 5 rooms between them all to 3 rooms. Getting actual supplies condensed into the rooms was much easier than I thought it would be, but come time for 3 providers working out of 3 rooms last Tuesday was not as easy. I had 5-7 patients backed up almost all the time. It seemed like I just couldn't get them in quickly enough, even with trying to "stage" them (do vitals and urine check and then having them wait for a room to open). It was just a learning experience for all of us.

Our PA is still getting used to me too, I think. I don't quite know how she wants things done yet; I don't know everything that she needs me know yet, which I'm sure is just plain frustrating for her. She does more gynecology, whereas the midwives, although they do gyn stuff, they do more OB stuff.  And it's the OBs that call and ask more questions, which I know more of the answers to, especially since I've been pregnant. Anyway, no one really knew how last Tuesday was going to go, and I thought I had an idea of how to get people in/out effectively, but it wasn't what our PA had in mind, so she got a little frazzled, and then I got a little frazzled, then the patients just kept coming, and I was running around trying to not cough on everyone and keep all the pap smears straight (which I did do!), and it was just a really intense day that let to the rest of the week being a little more frustrating than I'm used to. It will work out, and we will all get settled. We actually have already switched schedules around - thanks to a willing midwife - so that we no longer will have 3 providers in at one time. Yay!! Love them all, but not all together ;)

Anyway, that's my rant about last week. The week kind of led to a high-strung mama over the weekend, too. (I'm just gonna keep going, you can keep reading if you want. You don't have to ;) My - again, awesome - mother-in-law called me Friday morning to see if she could take the kids down to Soda Springs (about 50 mins away) for a sleepover with their cousins. I said no at first since they are so young still, and I didn't want it to be stressful for her if they wouldn't sleep or got homesick. But by the afternoon I was so wound up that the kids were unhappy, I was unhappy; we had shopped that morning which is not usually fun for any of us... we did get a pretzel and played at the mall which was fun, but taking babies shopping is not your usual girly shopping trip. Anyway, by about 3pm I asked Dawn if she was still willing to take them for the night. I told her I would definitely come get them if I needed to, but she said the did great! Lucas passed out of the floor, and Via slept with Grandma (maybe not so great for Grandma because Via kicks and prods and rolls), but at least she slept instead of screamed :) And it was definitely a much needed break for us parents!

I did get all emotional at one point, not because I missed my kids, but because I didn't miss them. I thought I should and felt bad that I didn't. Like the Rascal Flatts song... I feel bad that I don't feel bad. Don't get me wrong, of course I love my kids, and I would much rather have them than not, but I was just completely at my wits' end. And it was great being able to do whatever we wanted when we wanted! We haven't had that for a while! We went out for dinner, I didn't feel rushed to get home to relieve the babysitter, we didn't have to put kids to bed,  my house was clean... love my kids, not their messes. It was just a much needed break. Thank you, thank you, thank you again to my amazing mother-in-law who is always there for us! And Happy Birthday today to my amazing mother who is always there for me when I need to talk or complain or vent to an actual person instead of just a blog! And especially for the cards and gifts she is always sending us and the kids :) Love you both! Thanks for all that you both do!

Well, I suppose this post is long enough now with all my ranting ;) I know life will get easier, the kids will get easier, the house will remain clean for longer, and I will miss these days of sticky floors and happy, crazy toddlers eventually :)

P.s. Lucas has been dry at night for the last three nights, so this is his first one without a diaper! We'll see how it goes!

5Ks and Grey's

I found the magic :) I like running when there is a distraction. Running with friends was great, but I can't talk when I run; therefore I really couldn't socialize that way. I prefer to socialize with food ;) But I can run while watching Grey's Anatomy! I can run one at 5mph in almost the exact time it takes to watch one episode. Life is complete haha!

I don't think I had ever run more than 1.5 miles at a time in my entire life. Literally. Never. I ran an 11 min mile in Jr. High and hated it. I don't remember running more than a mile at a time ever after that. I danced, which was probably equivalent in cardio, but I focused on the dance. It was the distraction. Aaaand then I stopped. Everything. I haven't done much of anything since sophomore year of high school. I was super out of shape. Like-dying-climbing-a-flight-of-stairs out of shape. And now I can run a 5K. Woo hoo! I think that's saying somethin' for this girl who has been sitting on a couch for 8 years ;)

I'm super grateful to my girls for getting me running in the first place *Thanks, Hillary and Holly!! But I'm a pansy when it comes to running outside. Never really been an outside person. Sad :( So I joined a gym. My office pays for half a membership if we go 12 times a month. Can you say 'motivation'?? It's working! And I'm loving it! I just need them to get a yoga class now...

Anyway, after building my cardio back up after a short break with being sick and busy and whatnot, I ran my first 5K *ever* Tuesday night. And then I threw up (just in case you wanted to know ;) Note to self: Run in the morning, not an hour after dinner. But I ran one again this morning, and it was great! Stick me on a treadmill with some headphones and Netflix, and I'm set! Rainy days don't get in the way; no uncertain terrain and tripping over garbage cans *sigh... Now if I could just get the healthy eating thing down... I think I've pretty much just had sugar the last three days :/ No bueno.

Baby steps... Getting healthy and fit! Next step: 10K

Well, I Called It A Vacation ;)

Men and women are very different when it comes to vacationing. When a family goes on "vacation" or anywhere away from home, women must plan as many activities as possible into the time to make it super worth while. Men don't. Men, in general of course (but definitely in my man), would rather just relax, watch some type of sport on Tv, and just sit around. It's not a bad thing at all... I just figure I can relax as well, or perhaps even better, just by sitting at home. If I could just sit and watch someone clean my house, then I would call it a vacation ;) But, alas, I am a woman. And when we go somewhere, we've gotta go go go! So we went went went! We went to Utah for a few days this weekend and we hit up Hogle Zoo, This Is The Place Heritage Park, Marcos and Amber's house warming party, Utah Costcos, breakfast with my cousins, lunch with Amber and Marcos, The Living Planet Aquarium, and then fishing with Grandpa Billy at Devil's Creek! It was definitely a female-concoted, action-packed weekend trip! Sorry, honey :/

We got home and were definitely all exhausted, but I felt like I slept well Sat night and am not too tired for the week ahead! Not from the trip, anyway... It is almost 2 am, and I can't sleep, so that may take it's toll tomorrow, but a little weekend getaway was just what I needed to get some distance from the daily stresses, changes at work, cleaning the house (I cleaned before hand and it was great to come home to a clean house!!). It was great to just shake things up a bit and do so many fun things! We got a lot of sun which felt great, too! AND Lucas only had 1 accident the entire time! Go, Little Man!!

All the pictures are on Facebook, but here are a few of my favorites :)

I think it was around 4 pm and Via hadn't really had a nap yet... And she's teething. She was such a trooper, though, and did great at almost every place we went, especially if she was in her stroller. 

Panning for gold at Heritage Park

Dad! It's a frog!!

She was tired here, too. Poor girl. This was even after a nap!

Well, amidst our work schedules that almost never line up since awesome hubby works most weekends, we were both happy to get some good quality family time in (I promise Levi had fun most of the time! ;) Hopefully it's a good omen of things to come!

Ten Mintues

Another post instead of mopping my floors? Sure!!

I'm sitting here watching my kids do "yoga." We were doing a bit earlier since Lucas got my mats out. Now he is rolling Via up like a hot dog. And we're done with that.

Lucas is now vacuuming, and Via is grabbing wet wipes and cleaning the Tv stand. And she's trying to put them back after she's done.

Now they each have one and are wiping off the Tv stand. It took us a while to get them to not clean the Tv with... never mind. They just tried to clean the Tv with the wipes again.

"Okay, are we all done cleaning?" Lucas replies, "Nope. Guys cleaning more."

Still cleaning the Tv stand... And pulling out more wipes. And some more.

Now throwing the wipes up in the air to see where they land.

Finding colored pencils behind the couch pillows. After a minute or so: "Lucas, what are you doing?" "Um, color this." "What are you coloring?" "Red."

And we're back to vacuuming. Welcome to ten minutes at our house :)

Not always exciting, but definitely eventful. I wish I had the energy to make it exciting today. I did change out of pajamas today about an hour ago (it's 3:30pm) but only to put them in the wash. Then I put on new pajamas. I have a feeling this won't be an especially productive weekend. At least it's a nice long one :)

Remembering those who have served and are serving our country so I can sit here and watch my kids try to do downward dog pose with a smile on my face. I'm not strong enough to be a military wife. I adore those who are. I salute those women along with their men. Thank you for all your sacrifice! Hope everyone has a wonderful Memorial Day remembering why we are free to swim and BBQ!

No More Diapers!! (at least for Lucas... during the day)

Almost a month since I blogged last... again *sigh.* Life gets crazy.... especially with potty training. Oh, boy. We were told by daycare that Lucas was going on the potty there. They asked how it was going at home "uhm... not." I was really putting it off. He's not even three yet! I figured I had a few good months to procrastinate ;)

Well, I figured if they had started at daycare, we had better get on the ball as well. I really didn't think he was interested at all. I guess all I had to do was put him in some underwear, though! We started him in underwear last weekend, and it went really well! I was so shocked! I thought I would be cleaning up urine all day at home, just like I do at work (and at least I get paid to do it at work haha!) ;) Apparently I just don't know my son. We only had one or two accidents the first day, and our second day (Saturday) we went shopping and out to eat, where he used the public potty twice and didn't have an accident at all! Success!!

Going #2 on the potty was a different story, however. Saturday afternoon and Sunday (diaper at church), I realized the actual use for our handheld shower head. Glad we got that a few weeks prior! He also tends to sit on the potty and pee through his underwear lately. We still give him a Swedish fish for it since he realized he needed to go, but that doesn't help the underwear laundry :/ So today, I finally couldn't keep up with the clean underwear, and we've ran out. So he's naked. And it's working well! He went poo on the potty this morning! (He's gone a few times in the potty, but more often than not it's in his underwear :/) Maybe we'll just keep him un-underweared when we're at home!

We're trying to slowly get Via used to it, too. Girls train around two years, right? She's 18 months now. I figure if she can see Lucas doing it we could start the idea now. We may actually be out of diapers before we have the next kid haha! If all goes according to plan we should actually be out for about a year before the next one shows up. At any rate, our diaper bill is now cut in half!! No more diapers for Lucas! He does use one at night, but that's only one a day compared to 6ish. And he has quite a few left from our last $80 diaper excursion.

We also moved both kids to a toddler bed. We just took the side down on Via's crib. Lucas had an actual toddler bed waiting for him, so we took his crib down a few weeks ago. Via does great at night! Lucas. does. not. I'm not sure what else to try. I lay down with him, and he just wiggles. Then I get so frustrated. Last night I had to literally pin him down to keep him in bed. He just fights me. He wants Dad. Then Dad goes in and he wants Mom. He's not napping during the day when he's at home ( I think he still does at daycare). We've tried taking away privileges, Benadryl, wearing him out during the day, letting him read in bed while it's still light out... I don't know what else to do! I'm losing my mind every night I have to put him to bed. I don't want to put him back in the crib because I think that would inhibit the potty training by making him feel like a baby again. But this kid was up 'til 2:30 in the morning the other night! He just won't go to sleep. Do we just lock him in his room?? I have no idea... So that's the bedtime scoop. I'm losing it haha!

All these changes actually gave poor Lucas stress hives for a few days :( He's doing much better now. They haven't come back since I posted it on Facebook lol! I guess that was the cure. Things will get better with time, right?? These kids will be grown before I even realize it. I just have to remind myself of that sometimes! It's just so much easier to cherish the moments when they're sleeping in my arms instead of screaming in my ear ;) Love those cuties. At least I get paid in kisses when I have to clean up urine (and more) at home!

Reading and Singing

FINALLY finished Harry Potter!! It felt like forever when I was trying to get through them - really not long... a month and a half - but now I'm pretty sad that I'm done. I'm kind of having withdrawals. I can't wait to start the series again while reading it to the kids :) Is three too young?? And why did I wait so stinking long to finish the series??? Books 4 and 5 let me down so I just never got around to reading the last two. But they are fabulous! Love. HP.

I started reading Les Mis. I'm trying to decide if I want to keep reading it... It's not the abridged version. And I'm afraid I'm a little to dense to understand it. I'm not quite sure what's going on yet... and I've seen the movie ha! We'll see what happens with May's reading...

As for singing... Lucas has started singing. I love it. My mom and grandma used to sing 'The Cherry Song' to me as a kid. That's what we call it anyway. It's an old riddle song:

I gave my love a cherry that had no stone
I gave my love a chicken that had no bone
I gave my love a ring that had no end
I gave my love a baby with no crying

How can there be a cherry, etc...

A cherry that's bloomin', it has no stone
A chicken when it's pippin', it has no bone
A ring when it's rollin', it has no end
And a baby when he's sleeping has no crying

Levi thinks it's a weird song. He's right. But I still love it :) And apparently Lucas loves it, too! (I recorded on my phone in his dark room... the video really is black, you just need the sound, though, so no worries.)

My grandma met the kids and me in Idaho Falls this weekend, and she tried to sing this song to Lucas in the car. My poor grandma. Lucas's reply was "No. Mommy sing." Lil' stinker!

These kids are growing up way too fast already. I tried to tell them they aren't allowed, but they don't listen :( Right now there are a few really bad days, but most are good days. I love these ages and their age gap. People usually think I just go crazy all the time, and sometimes I do, but most of the time I love it. They play great together. The moments where Levi and I are like "yeah, we should have more" are definitely outweighing the "my heavens, we're crazy!" moments lately ;)

...So I Run Now

If you're read through my new year's goals, you know that I've tried for a few months now to get my life in a healthier place, especially physically. And, as I've said before, I always get those comments: "But you're already so skinny!" "Don't tell me you're on a diet!" Well, I went to a CMA conference this weekend and learned that even skinny people get Type 2 Diabetes Mellitus, and as a result of their body weight, they are usually the ones that get skipped with the diagnosis. This will be me in 20 years if I don't do something. I'm sure of it. I love sugar. I love soda. I love fast food, especially Baconators right now :/ I love the unhealthy. The skinnies are the ones that get overlooked when it comes to health. "Oh, you're cholesterol is a little high, but don't worry, you're skinny." This Dr. at the conference said these are the ones that drop dead at 45 from a heart attack. I may have come into the world with a heart problem, but that's not how I'm going out! Especially at 45... so I run now. 

I also got a bit of good news as I asked my OB (the one who gave me the green light to have more kids) in passing what my chances would be to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarian) would be, assuming the next kid is in the right position. He told me 80%. I like those odds :) I would absolutely love to try for a VBAC! I won't get into the opinions and risks and whatever... that's an entirely different post altogether. The main reason for my previous c-sections with Lucas and Via were that they were both frank breech because of the septum (or wall) in my baby maker. They just grew that way. If you've read the previous post, you know the plan is to remove the septum, making it possible (hopefully) for the next kiddos to grow well and position the right way. We shall see. The runner-up reason for the c-sections was my heart. The cardiologists just figured it might be safer to do a c-secion. Did I agree with them? Yes. Was I in shape at all then? No. If I get in shape and am able to run a 5K or whatever, would I still agree? Probably not. We will see how it all works out of course, but at least if I get in shape I can use that as my pro-VBAC argument... so I run now ;)

Special thanks to the ladies that get me up and running 3 times a week now!

Magical March

I know. It's April. It's even the middle of April, and I haven't blogged in over a month. I was trying to get through all of the Harry Potter books for my "magical March" reading :) Cheesy?? I don't care haha! I didn't start until the 13th or so, and I still have the last one to read. I will try to get through that one by the end of this month and then go from there. Maybe Les Mis May? No, I've never read that one either. I had to read Walden in high school instead of Les Mis. Don't ask me why *serious eye rolling*

I started reading Harry Potter when they were first coming out when I was younger, but I stopped after 5. And after reading through them all again, I remembered why. 4 and 5 were definitely not my faves. Love the series, though, love her writing, love the movies. I also hadn't seen the last 4 movies, which I watched the weekend prior to delving into the books. This drives some people crazy! Seeing the movie before reading the book... but I love it! I don't have that great of an imagination. My thoughts when reading aren't very detailed and they're kind of "blurry" if that helps explain it at all ha! The movies are so much better than what I picture in my head most of the time! And if they're not, then I'm usually more disappointed if I read the book first. Like Twilight. We won't even go there.

The picture in my head is always, always different (understandably) than the actual motion picture (yup. dug that word out of the 1950s or whatever). I hate reading the book first and then seeing the movie in a completely different way. It's just frustrating to me for some reason. I usually pay attention to moves better, too. My mind likes to skip the sentences where people aren't speaking. Then I have to go back :/ Reading comprehension was never one of my best skills haha!

Anyway, if you haven't yet read the Harry Potter series because you are a decade behind like me, I suggest you do :) I know my grandma doesn't want to read the rest because she knows what happens (she's so cute) but the books explain sooo much more! And I just love the way J. K. Rowling writes. She's fantastic. I borrowed most of the books from my fabulous midwife Patty (thank you!), since the books that I read when I was younger are my mom's of course. I have the first two, and now I just need to work on getting the rest so that my kids can read them when they get older :)

Well, not much of a review since I'm sure most of England, America and other various countries has already read the series... But, there ya go! If you haven't read them, take on your own month of Magical May ;)

Could'a, Should'a

It hit me again today. "Crap. I should'a learned Arabic."

I got my patriarchal blessing - if you don't know what that is and want to know, just ask me :) - before my family left for Saudi Arabia in 2002. I was 14. And it told me to learn Arabic. Like not just hinting toward it saying something like, "you have the opportunity to learn new things." No. Flat out, "strive to learn and understand this language." I could'a, I should'a.

Now, you're probably thinking, like I was, "when are you ever going to need to know Arabic??" Well, in my office. That's where. We have soooo many Arab couples come to our clinic. And most of them come to the Midwives because they are all women. (We have one female ob/gyn, but she's usually harder to get into.) Granted, most of them know enough English to get by. Most of the husbands know enough to communicate well, but still. I feel bad.

I didn't put in the effort to learn as much as I should have when I was actually in Saudi Arabia, but it was still always a life long goal. Mostly because I thought I had more of my life to learn it before I would use it. Like going into some major world war with the Middle East like 40 years down the road. Not in assisting the processes of pregnancy and gynecology a mere 10 years later. My only defense: It was 10 years ago. And I can't even remember squat from my two years of high school Spanish classes. Can't say that I would have retained much more than the few words I still know.

I hope what little connection I can spark helps them feel at least a little less... foreign ? Is that the right word? A little less scared? Just hoping for some type of connection that makes them feel more comfortable, more at home. Some of these young wives aren't much older than I was when I visited a gynecologist in Saudi Arabia. And I did not feel at home. That could have been mostly because it was a gynecology office, but still. We're a gynecology office, and a vaginal speculum is scary enough when you're here and you DO know English. 

I always mention to them that I used to live in Hai'l. Everyone I have met has actually been from Saudi Arabia, as opposed to other countries. They get excited, sometimes stunned, and ask questions. When? Why? And, of course, do you know Arabic?? ...I will. Some day. For now, I say as-salaam'alaykum (hello), and tell them which room number we will be in in Arabic. It works for now, I suppose. It has definitely taught me to respect my patriarchal blessing more, though. They give us direction, warning. If we don't heed that direction and warning, you may be stuck trying to explain uncomfortable things in an uncomfortable way :/ I could'a been the rockstar CMA that was able to translate for our Arab patients. Should'a been... goal for the next ten (hopefully not that many) years. Bottom line: Heed revelation. 

Down Came the Rain *February's Book*

Warning!! Some graphic material ahead...

For this month, I read Down Came the Rain: My Journey Through Postpartum Depression by Brooke Shields. Yes, it is another book that the midwives have and lend out :) I had been eyeing it for a while for mainly two reasons: I find it interesting when celebrities write books, especially about real things. It' makes them seem more real themselves, I guess. And postpartum depression (PPD) interests me since I had it after Via for just a little while. It's weird.

In the book, Brooke goes through her story of trying to get pregnant, seemingly endless fertility treatments, and then her massive struggle with depression and self after her first daughter, Rowan, was born. (Love that name, btw.) She describes things only a mother who has had PPD would understand. If you haven't had it or seen it, it's hard to comprehend. Why would a mother envision her baby flying across the room and hitting a wall? Or scissors ending up in the baby?? Not that the mother thinks or even plans to do these things, and it's not even her doing them in her head... They are just flittering thoughts that enter with no warning or explanation. "What would happen if...?" Told you. Weird. Scary.

The trick to handling this depression is to know when to get help. You can get help! It's not that you're broken or a bad mother or you don't love your child. It's a chemical, hormonal imbalance that affects you in a very strange way. As many as 1 in 10 women have postpartum depression. Brooke's book is meant to educate others about the effects and getting help. She tries, and, I think, succeeds at motivating and informing women that you are not alone. You don't have to suffer alone.

At first, Brooke was very hesitant to even admit she had PPD. She thought it was only those women who actually hurt their children by drowning them or something. That's postpartum psychosis, most likely, and is different. In comparison, though, PPD is very different than the "baby blues" which usually only last a few days to two weeks and don't include thoughts of baby hurting or suicide.

Once the thoughts of jumping out the window and running away into nonexistence finally became too much, Brooke admitted she needed help. She was hesitant to start on an anti-depressant because she didn't want to become addicted, and thought it wasn't working at first, but noticed a drastic change when she decided to go off it.

I started on Wellbutrin. I had many of the same thoughts, that Brooke describes in her book, find their way into my head. What would happen if baby's head got smashed into something?? It didn't take me long to realize that this was NOT normal. It didn't mean I didn't love my baby or feel love for her, which IS a stark comparison to what Brooke was feeling. I didn't want to hurt my baby at all. I wasn't the one who would smash her with anything. But what would it be like if...? So I saw my doctor. (Yes, I do take pride in seeking help quickly.) And I started on medication. This particular one only intensified the thought of drowning in a bathtub, though. It was extremely vivid one night. I could see the water rising up and up. It surrounded me. I slowly sank down into the water and actually believed I was drowning for a few seconds. It was time to try a different medication :) I started on Pristiq, and it worked great. I find it interesting that our different bodies and personalities respond to medication differently. Brooke started on Paxil, which worked just fine, but later tried Wellbutrin which worked wonders for her. Just trial and error with most anti-depressants.

They say it takes a while before you start to notice changes with anti-depressants. Apparently it didn't take too long with me. The Wellbutrin made me even more crazy in just two days. After a few weeks on the Pristiq I had forgotten to take it one day. I was insanely stressed out and on edge. I remember yelling at Lucas like I never had before because he was getting in the way of my unpacking (we had just moved). I felt terrible and then remembered that I didn't take my pill that morning (or the night before. I don't remember.)

After getting back into our routine of school and adjusting to having two kids I was able to wean off the medication just fine after only a few months. I was missing my rhythm. I wasn't used to staying at home all day everyday with a one year old while exhausted and pregnant. My life seemed a little dull until I actually had V. Then it changed drastically! Pile on the preterm labor, another NICU stay (which I didn't think was nearly as bad as Lucas's, but apparently took it's toll), recovering from a C-section, the sleep depravation (a big one!), and the thought of starting school again full-time 6 weeks after Via was born... I was a recipe for disaster!

The sleep depravation was a huge one for me. Mostly because I thought I was doing fine. My experiences with sleep were so different between my two kids. With Lucas, it seemed like if he were to stop breathing, it would happen at night. I have a hard time waking up for anything, and sadly, he was no exception. Where was that pure, selfless love a mother feels for her child?? I don't know. I had to resort to staying up all night with him (between the fear of him not breathing and the resentment at him waking me up) and I would just sleep during the day with him. It was totally fine if he woke me during the day since I should have been up anyway. My transition into "mommy sleep" with him was definitely a psychological one.

With Via, however, it was so easy. She would barely cry and I would be awake and ready to feed her most of the time. Sometimes I was groggy, as you might imagine, but I had no resentment toward her for waking me up. I would feed her, she would spit up, we'd both get naked, and we would sleep skin to skin for a while before I put her back in her bed all bundled up. Levi got up with her once in a while, but he didn't have to for the most part. Not until I hit serious PPD, anyway. Once all of that came to light and the sleep depravation had taken it's toll, he started getting up with her for the most part so I could get back on track and recover from surgery. That was the main thing that helped me. Just sleep.

Counseling also really helps those with PPD. They say the biggest help is medication with professional counseling. I tried one session, but once I got back into my life and routine, I really was just fine. It did help Brooke, though, as there were bigger issues than stress and routine contributing to her PPD.

She really does a great job of telling her story and educating about this disorder at the same time. I love her voice and style of writing. It was a really great read, and if you ever want an insight to what someone with PPD may be going through, it's a great resource. She explains it well. Better than I have attempted here, I'm sure. Sorry if I scared anyone. I tried my best to explain it, but as I said earlier, if you haven't experienced it, it's hard to grasp.

Just know that there is hope. There are resources. You are not broken. It will pass.

Crying on Sundays

It seems as if crying is new Sunday trend. Because I feel the spirit? Sadly, no. Not even close.

I try to get us in a good mood in the mornings with music and a good breakfast. Our church doesn't start until 1pm so the mornings are nice and slow. But Levi has been working the last 5 Sundays during church. I. can't. do. it. anymore! I don't know how other mothers do it by themselves. Please, tell me the secret!

We have Sacrament last, which also doesn't help. Lucas plays all morning and plays all afternoon in nursery, and then I expect him to sit still during Sacrament?? He thinks I'm crazy! I can't even get him to sit still through the first song! I've tried books and pictures and snacks and bribes and it just isn't working. Someone tell me there is a point to all this... Why should I even keep going?? Establishing habits, the few lines of the lesson I do get to hear, the learning Lucas gets from nursery? Most of the time I feel like we should just start all that when he can learn to keep his bum in a chair for more than 20 seconds. Or, better yet, we can just do it at home in our underwear!

I didn't even get through the opening song last week before I burst into tears from stress and embarrassment and gathered everything up to go home. It was like that the week before, as well. And the very first week... when the lid came off the sippy and milk went all over the carpet. This week we kind of made it through the Sacrament, but I still broke down in the driveway when we got home. Lucas goes one way while Via heads another. People try to help. One of our sweet nursery leaders held Via for a bit, but as soon as she realized it wasn't me she started throwing a fit. A friend of mine tried to take Lucas in the hall with her little girl, but that doesn't last long either. At least nothing got spilled on or smashed into the floor this week...

As I gathered things up to leave today, one of the members in the bishopric started commenting on how the Sacrament was a sacred and special time. I don't know how the rest of his comments went, but I definitely felt like he was singling me out. Here I am, the crazy woman with two little kids running around ruining the Sacrament for everyone else. What is the point?

The only thing holding me together right now is that Levi has next Sunday off. But what about the next 5 after that? I'm just not one of those amazing mothers who can get their children to hold still. I just can't do it on my own. I dread going to church. One should not dread going to church.

I remember when I was younger thinking how boring it was having to sit through meetings. I would love to just sit through an entire block without kids now. Ironic much?

And, of course, there's the "enjoy it while it lasts" and "they grow up way too fast." Yeah, I know. But that doesn't help me chase down the screaming toddler headed for the door in the chapel when everyone else is silent. It doesn't make me enjoy that time at all. I enjoy the time when they're cute and singing primary songs and maybe the time when I'm just following Via up and down the stairs in the hall during Sunday School. But it does not hold back the tears from embarrassment when my children are yelling during a sacred ordinance. It just doesn't.

Really, though. What is the point? I'm just bothering everyone else when they are trying to focus on the Savior. I'm just distracting people when I'm chasing toddlers up and down and in and out. I want to cry on Sundays because I am able to feel the Spirit. I don't want to cry because I'm frustrated and feeling horrible at this whole mothering business. What kind of a mother can't keep her kids still for even 20 10 minutes? I'm just not cut out for doing Sundays alone. I just can't do it anymore.

Clean All the Clothes!

Saturdays are usually laundry day. I know it works for some to keep up on it throughout the week and do a load a day... not for me. I do about 5-6 (sometimes 7) loads on Saturday. They get clean. Folding is a different story ;)

For almost a year now I've been making my laundry detergent. You may remember my post when I first started making powdered detergent. I thought it would be less work than doing liquid/gel detergent with the process of cooking and cooling and 5 gallon buckets and whatnot. Not true. I have found that the liquid kind is soooo much easier to make than the powdered, at least if you are like me and don't have a food processor. I would spend about an hour grating or chopping the soap super finely. My washer apparently doesn't like powder, either, because I would occasionally find clumps of it throughout the clothes. A new washer and dryer is on my list of things to get in the next five years, but probably not for a while. So I decided to give in and try a liquid version. I tried a Dawn dish soap version I found on One Good Thing by Jillee. It was super easy to make (and cheap) but after just one batch of it I could tell it was cheap. Dish soap was not made for clothes. I could tell it was taking a toll on my laundry. It wore on the fabric and made them seem very dull. So I ditched that kind as well. I had only one option left: liquid.

How did I not know it was so easy?? All of the pins I had found would seem like long, complicated processes. It's not. I read through a bunch and kind of developed my own recipe. I only make about 3-64oz containers at a time instead of 3 gallons or so. Each container lasts us at least over a week, sometimes two, using about 1/2 cup in each load. It gets our clothes clean without damaging them. It's easy, natural, and very cost effective!

Economical breakdown:

Fels Naptha bar soap ($1): 2 batches - $0.50 each batch
Washing soda (55 oz box for $4): 13 batches - $0.30 each batch
Borax (76 oz box for $3): 19 batches - $0.16 each batch
*exact prices may vary ;)

About $1 for a month's worth of laundry soap!

Today was my third batch of liquid, and it definitely is the best that I've tried by far! Here is the recipe that I concocted from reading other various recipes. What I've learned is it's really not so much about the amounts or the process you use; if it works for you, then it works!

Liquid Laundry Detergent:

1/2 bar laundry soap
6ish cups of water
*Dissolve/melt soap in water in largeish pot over mediumish heat while stirring.
1/2 cup Borax
1/2 cup washing soda
*Add after soap has dissolved. If you add before then, I've found that it takes a little longer for the soap to dissolve. Not a big deal if you have more than 15 minutes to throw this together.
*Let cool in pot. It will become gelatinous.
*Once cool, transfer to containers, divided evenly, using a funnel and a measuring cup or whatever.
*Add water to fill containers. Shake it up! Over time, ingredients may separate naturally, just shake before adding to the load.

Babies!!!!

Well, if you've been following me for a while, you may remember my post about only having two kids. True, having two littles running around can be exhausting and frustrating, but lately Levi and I have both been wanting more kids. Amidst the chaos and screaming there is so much joy we get from them! We're actually both a little baby hungry again ;) You may be thinking, "Wait! What?? I thought it was dangerous for you to get pregnant again!!" That's what I thought. That's what I was lead to believe.

First and foremost, I absolutely loved having Dr. Jacobs as my provider when I was pregnant with Via. He was great. I felt like he took care of me very well and I was very excited he was on call when I went into labor with her. He took great care of me after I had her, too. He was great. But he is young. And I think I scare him. One thing I definitely learned from working at the clinic is no two providers are the same. They still all have different opinions and techniques (is that the right word? Does that make sense??)

Anyway, I approached Dr. Jacobs one day during my internship about a procedure he had brought up briefly. I have a septum, or wall, in my uterus that most likely caused the preterm labor. He had talked about it being removed. I wanted to know what kind of surgery it was, maybe how much it would cost, was it an office or hospital procedure? When I started asking about he replied with, "Don't tell me you're thinking of having more kids. You're high-risk. I don't like high-risk." It hurt my feelings.

After that I had been thinking of getting a second opinion on the matter. My insurance kicked in this month, so I met with another one of the doctors. If the door really was closed, I just needed to hear it from someone else as well. "By the witness of two" kind of thing. So that's what I did.

I met with Dr. Cox, went over my history with him (all of it), my husband drew a great picture of my uterus (since he saw it during V's c-section), and he also suggested that we take out the septum, but was extremely optimistic about me having more kids! He explained the procedure to me, one of his nurses actually looked up how much it would cost, it would be a same-day surgery in the hospital, and I could have more babies shortly after! While we were talking, he said he'd get me set up for the surgery now and I could be pregnant in 6-8 weeks! Whoa! Unfortunately, we don't have the money for all of that right now, but we do have a plan. I will get to that.

Right after our consultation, Dr. Cox had a meeting with the clinic partners. He presented my case (anonymously, of course) to two others in our clinic, heart issues and all. They both agreed with Dr. Cox :) When I talked to him later, he didn't even sound too concerned about me having more before the septum excision, but of course a septum excision first would be safest. And the least expensive in the long run if we ended up with another NICU baby. $70,000 for a preemie (assuming we would make it to at least 35 wks again) or $4,000ish for the surgery. Yeah, going with surgery.

So, the plan: Next year's tax returns will go toward surgery and our insurance deductible, and we plan to start trying again soon after that. Hopefully by March of next year. Sadly, we are paying off credit cards with this year's return, or else we would jump on it now. No more credit card debt for us, though!  And hopefully two more babies in our future!

January

What a crazy month it was! Where did it go??

I thought I would follow up on my little goals for each month that I had set. Just to warn you, it didn't go extremely well haha!

Save $10 each month - This I did do. There is money in our savings account,  but we did use the credit cards during January, so I'm not sure it really counts...

Read one book each month - I did do this! I finished a book at the beginning of the month and then read two more. I have also started my February book and am really enjoying it! I will post on it when I am done... sometime by the end of the month ;)

Read 10 verses each day - I was doing pretty well at a chapter a day, but then I started to wane. I need to get back on it. It's been a good two weeks since I've read, I think :/

Work out 3 times each week - I've done at least two times each week with my mother-in-law and usually one on my own on the weekends. 5 am is early! I do take the stairs at work when I go down to the cafeteria for lunch. Does that count??

Drink {more} water - I have been much better about drinking water! I feel like I drink it constantly at work and have been drinking more at home. This week I had some sprite and cranberry juice (with raspberries...healthier??) at a couple of parties we had at our house, but I believe that's the first time I've had soda this year. If you know me and my soda habit, that's a feat! 

Eat healthier - Ah, the clean eating.... We were doing so well the first two-ish weeks. I've kind of fallen off the wagon with it. The main goal was 1 serving of veggies a day. For the most part, I've gotten those in. There were maybe a few days in the last few weeks that I didn't get any vegetables. Clean eating is hard. For me, at least. The moment came at "that time of the month" (sorry, tmi) when I inhaled almost two big macs. Yeah. Defeated by a secret sauce. I've been somewhere in the middle since then. Still shooting for healthier things, but the intensity died :( Beside the big mac fiasco, we haven't done fast food much at all. A mcmuffin yesterday morning. And it was delicious. That's all. So.... it's getting better. 

Meditate - I always forget about this one. No, I'm not great at personal prayer. I should be by now. We do really well with nighttime family prayers, and I'm trying to get us into the habit of morning family prayer since we've all been up together the last few days, but it's the habit-making that's the hard part. It's hit and miss with this one still. 

Well, there you have it. Not as great as I had hoped. I will just try a little harder. That's about all I can do, I suppose. 

Quality vs Quantity

I finally figured it out... The secret to this whole working mom thing. At least for me. Quality vs quantity. Duh, right?

I got off work early yesterday, but the kids were already planning on being in daycare since Levi worked at 2. Well, if you have ever tried to clean the house with kids, you know why I still took them to daycare and came home to clean. It's amazing how much I can get done without two little midgets running around undoing everything! It was amazing! My house looks amazing!! (And it's still clean this morning!!) And, if you know me, a clean home puts me in a good mood :) It was a disaster the whole week. Levi has been keeping up on the dishes - love him <3 - but not much else got done. I was absolutely unmotivated this weekend. Exhausted. So the house stayed a mess. A big mess. Until yesterday :)

The kids had been home all morning with Levi, so it's not like they were there all day - if they had already been there all morning, I don't think I would have left them in. I know Levi hates the shifts he works, but it's nice that the kids do get to stay home more with at least one of us. We also pay for up to 25 hours a week no matter what - the part time rate - and they are only in 12 hours this week (including yesterday). It has been like this for a few weeks now. I figure, if we're paying almost $600 a month for daycare, I might as well use it! My ultimate reasoning for still taking them while I was not working was this: They could either spend 6 hours with me as I try to clean - and we'd probably all end up grumpy, or I can spend 3 hours cleaning while they play with friend and then bring them home to play with me, which is what we did! We played with blocks, had a tickling war, ate dinner while watching "Letters" (Wheel of Fortune), and cuddled, per Lucas's request. (He wants to cuddle more lately, and I love it!!)

If I could stay home, cleaning would still be hard with kids, but I figure I would have most of the day to do it - or at least more than I do now. I know there's still juggling that goes on when Mom gets to be home, but it feels a little harder to juggle everything else when I'm at work 9 hours a day. Kids-free cleaning is the way I am able to juggle it all. Whether I have Grandma watch them for a few hours or send them to the daycare that we've already paid for - Grandma is very  busy - this is what works for me. You have to find out what works for you, and don't let anyone bring you down because of it. (I mention it at work and sometimes get a little flack for it. Whatev.) I would much rather spend 3 great hours with my babies than 6 stressful, juggled hours. So that's exactly what I did :)