And Then They Change Again

Can I just be settled for one minute?? I'm a little fed up with all this plans changing stuff. It makes me feel like I have no idea what I really want in my life - besides the two kiddos I have.

Of course I would question having more kids after dropping a grand on a surgery meant to let me have more kids (full term).

Of course the BYUI nursing program would temporarily be shut down right before I start my journey toward applying for it (still under investigation...).

Of course we would buy a house and move right when I felt like I was getting super competent in my job *Disclaimer: I love love love the house we are buying, I do think it's a good move for us, and it was totally a steal* but I hate that I am leaving Pocatello and most likely my job. And Levi's family. And my yoga instructor. And my masseuse. Seriously.

Can things just stop changing? Can my babies stop growing? Can I just stop for a little while? I'm exhausted.

So... do we have more kids? I dunno. I've gotta leave that one up to Heavenly Father. I have no idea. The last few days I just haven't wanted any more. Mine are so stinkin' cute, but they're a handful. Especially if I'm going back to school.

So... not nursing?? The ultimate goal was Nurse Practitioner, but if I just get my Bachelor's then I can (hopefully) become a Physician Assistant. They're both midlevels. I would get my provider fix. The only downside to not getting my RN is that I wouldn't have the option to become a midwife if I wanted to. I like the idea of catching babies, but I've never actually caught one, so I really have no idea if that's what I would want to do. I obviously have no idea what I really want to do career wise. I thought I had this figured out ten years ago...

Ten years ago I wanted to become a pediatric cardiologist. I loved the heart. I loved my own peds cardiologists. But, as things usually do, my loves have changed...well, expanded. I loved the feel of the NICU even though my babies were all sorts of connected to wires and monitors. I love my job now even though the I study the vagina ;) I loved *most* of my rotations in high school including ultrasound... I especially love using the ultrasound at work. I love watching surgeries and assisting on procedures. I think I would love just about anything I fell into, which means my options are pretty wide open. I just have to figure out what road to actually take. I'm positive this is not the last time my plans will end up changing. They say the only constant is change. How very, very true...